mjt

2005-11-16T18:49:00.000+08:00

i've moved, darlings.
here.

2005-11-15T22:06:00.000+08:00

i nearly skipped a wonderful day because i was too lazy to get out of bed. luckily i wasn't that stupid.

#1

met the darling pw-ians for breakfast at an obscene 8am, but it was worth every single bit of my sleep deprivation. highlights include:

a) jiaying and her kindergarten story -
once upon a time, little jiaying was made to sit in the front with the bus driver because she had a thing for fighting with the boys in the schoolbus. jiaying insists that she's a foodie, but truthfully, she's just greedy. she once fell asleep eating bread halfway (with it in her hands) and when she woke up, she just continued eating straight from her hands!

b) lynn and brynner's highly suspicious relationship.
eh brynner! how come you have to meet lynn alone earlier before all of us ah?

brynner to lynn: eh you like to eat this one right? *points at food* nevermind, you eat la. *puts food down for miss chua lynn ern*

scandalous!

c) the newly established breakfast club!
where we will dutifully rotate neighbourhoods and meet up even after pw's over, just to eat. in jiaying's words, FOODIE, NOT GREEDY!
first it was SA031, then BFIVE, and now, THE BREAKFAST CLUB!

d) brynner loke and his disgusting ah pek tendencies.

issue: brynner coughing up a ball of phlegm onto his plate of beehoon.

GROSS!

-

#2

second meeting at harbourfront with the vice-capts. as expected, EVERYONE was late, myself included. i had this sudden impulse to buy flowers (it's just such an indulgence day) so i blew my moolah on pretty gerberas.

in the end proper house matters were discussed in two minutes, later shims exploited us by making us do some silly survey (in which she gets $12/survey). i have a potential job!
(hint: all of you will be potentially exploited too)

AND SO, today i have finished spending my week's allowance on food (and flowers). go me!

-

#3

hockey! not official training but preparation for tomorrow's trials, in which i am freaking scared we won't make it (together).
a round of applause for MR MARCUS (idontknowwhat/ insert last name here.)
econs mcq tomorrow, and this fellow walks over to us after his paper today, going aiya, it's MCQ! making it sound like the most no-brainer thing on earth. anyway he put up with us girls, our relentless teasing - aiyah you see, you teach and now i can't hit the ball lah! , and our (lack of) ball sense.

so, thank you marcus(:
(and i know you're from TCH, LIAR!)

-

#4

SOUMYA SUERSH'S TAG MADE MY WONDERFUL DAY PERFECT.

2005-11-14T23:06:00.000+08:00

i have officially found my eye candy. saturday, come quick!
(oh my, this takes competition to a whole new level. except I SWEAR i have met her somewhere before!)

and, hello marcus (a little bird came to tell me you read this too).

2005-11-13T22:35:00.000+08:00

yesterday my sister and i had this really huge fight, whereby the two of us nearly got thrown out of the house because we wouldn't/ couldn't stop screaming at each other.

today we had dinner with the wees, miss wee shu-min you still owe me updates! min and i had an extremely traumatic experience in the restroom - first she dropped her bag in some puddle, then i spotted a (baby) cockroach on the ceiling and started screaming. min refused to go looking for it, because she couldn't see it from where she was at and so she practically ran out screaming, i don't want to see it, i don't want to see it! after which she tried to wash her hands, but the sink was clogged, and when we switched sinks, the soap dispenser didn't work.

tomorrow we have pw, good luck to us.

2005-11-12T15:26:00.000+08:00

super sevens today was so much fun!
first we played with the little stc girls, who are SO CUTE. everytime they whacked the ball, they would go, "sorry, sorry!"
michelle and i have this thing for these two particularly striking ones, partly because they have the cedarian look.

our tendencies got so out of hand today that michelle was told off by xun ai -
STOP CHECKING GIRLS OUT! CONTAIN YOURSELF!

but i digress.

the point is, we're improving! it took us a while, but by the third game we knew we stood a chance.

YAY EVERYONE, YAY.

2005-11-11T21:08:00.000+08:00

Estha had always been a quiet child, so no one could pinpoint with any degree of accuracy exactly when (the year, if not the month or day) he had stopped talking. Stopped talking altogether, that is. The fact is there wasn't an 'exactly when'. It had been a gradual winding down and closing shop. A barely noticeable quietening. As though he had simply run out of conversation and had nothing left to say. Yet Estha's silence was never awkward. Never intrusive. Never noisy. It wasn't an accusing, protesting silence as much as a sort of aestivation, a dormancy, the psychological equivalent of what lungfish do to get themselves through the dry season, except that in Estha's case the dry season looked as though it would last for ever.

Over time he had acquired the ability to blend into the background of wherever he was - into bookshelves, gardens, curtains, doorways, streets - to appear inanimate, almost invisible to the untrained eye. It usually took strangers a while to notice him even when they were in the same room with him. It took them even longer to notice that he never spoke. Some never noticed at all.

Estha occupied very little space in the world.

- The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy

2005-11-10T22:08:00.000+08:00

i must be the biggest klutz alive, because yesterday

I DROWNED MY IPOD.

quite by accident actually, there was a pile of clothes on top of the storage area near the toilet bowl, and i forgot kish was on top of everything so i just grabbed the whole pile of stuff and kish flew into the bowl and plopped inside.

i was quite mortified.

so omfg, i single handedly managed to drown my beloved kish, and now i'm desperately hoping they'll replace it because if my parents find out, i'm majorly screwed.

-

so today was an eventful day. first tina and i were harassed by some talent scout (SCAMSCAMSCAM) who refused to let us go despite me being really flustered saying, "um, we're kinda in a hurry.." but it didn't really help that tina was just staring at me looking quite amused.

then we hit the apple centre to try to get kish fixed, and i was hoping they wouldn't notice the water but the first thing they said to me was,

um, we noticed there's some moisture...

long story short, i have to try my luck at amk.

ANYWAY. lunch appointment with one-third - sakae! we had to starve ourselves till three, so the miserable lot of us were sitting at wheelock feeling HUNGRY, TIRED, BORED, (and for bella and i - BROKE).

we were shopping around trying to block out the hunger pangs, when eventful thing #2 happened - we saw mark chay! and all of us couldn't agree; tina said he looks chunky, but bella and i think he's quite hot.

so at 245, we walked over to lido to withdraw money, when eventful thing #3 happened. some careless man left 30bucks in the atm, and somehow i ended up chasing two security people to try to return the money, but they didn't want to take it because we had to lodge an official police report first, so we were stuck with the moolah and didn't know what to do! anyhow i ended up asking this random stranger

excuse me, did you lose money?

and he replied,

uh yeah...

and i was so happy because i thought we had found the owner (tina, lynn, julie and sheryl were just laughing at some corner, only bella came to show support!), when suddenly he said he had heard

excuse me, do you use money?

and i was so embarrassed!
anyway, he wasn't the guy we were looking for.

lunch at sakae was really fun(ny), we were so hungry the minute we sat down everybody attacked the conveyor belt! we looked like the typical singaporean, i bet. opposite us we had a bunch of 4 guys who really could eat! we tried so hard to beat them, but it's quite impossible for 6 girls to beat 4 guys, however starved we were.
tina and jules were the most embarrassing EVER. jules kept threatening to throw up on me and tina kept laughing so hard till she couldn't even sit straight.

so eventful thing #4a -
a stick man (made of squashed rice, toothpicks and toothpick wrappers) travelled along the conveyor belt to us!

and eventful thing #4b -
a scorpion-like/ cricket/ insect thing came after!

prime suspects: chew rushan and company.

eventful thing #5 -
we saw mark lee. okay no big hooha, but the thing is, the talent scout was mark, we saw mark chay before, and now mark lee! SPOT THE SIMLIARITY PLEASE.

after lunch / dinner, bella sheryl tina and i went a-shopping!
where we came out feeling depressed (okay maybe only me) because DAMMIT I HATE MONEY AND I THINK MONEY HATES ME TOO BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY THE TWO OF US ARE NEVER TOGETHER FOR LONG.

to bottomline today, rejection, good food, three marks, great company, stitches from laughing, freakish thirty dollars coincidences, meeting ru, grace and tx, shopping.

the end.

2005-11-09T22:50:00.000+08:00

sometimes good isn't good enough.

2005-11-07T22:08:00.001+08:00

all i want for christmas is you!

everytime i hear this song, it reminds me of -

1. poof the woof, with christmas hats, halos and pinswheels.
2. the zedders, because we all love the holiday season.
3. chen weiyan, for singing christmas carols to me in march and getting excited with me at june because CHRISTMAS IS COMING!
4. michelle tang, spending $7.10 at ikea buying nonsense and singing carols!
5. cheesy (and not in a good way) boys.
6. wee shu-min, because my first christmases (and every single one after) were unforgettable, and spent with you.

-

four hours of whacking balls, with the help of sebas, nelson and mr soh, my wrist feels like it's going to break. today was supposed to be a two part session, study then play, but i didn't have any work to do so we just hit ball after ball after ball. and everytime we got tired we'd go, school team school team school team.

i just hope this keeps up.

2005-11-07T22:08:00.000+08:00

michelle and i are going to do everything in our power to make the team.

to hanis: i practiced the 2 step thing you showed me today, that pull thingy! but i can't really get it right, help please? (:

2005-11-06T19:38:00.000+08:00

the topic of US came up again, initiated by my mom who said uncle gavin bought gillian a car for her sixteenth birthday.
after that she mentioned,

uncle gavin asked if you want to go over to study after your As.

and as it turns out, my parents have been discussing migration an awful lot too. after dinner (and a few drinks) my dad quite casually mentioned, if i had accepted the job in 1996 you all would be in arizona studying now.
we didn't go because in 1996, uncle gavin and my dad set up their own business, Aquagen (which failed, but that's another story)
and although nat patted him and said, i'm glad you took the risk daddy. it's not everyday you get to start a new business, i felt disgustingly twisted inside. i'm proud of my dad for being an entrepreneur but at the same time i wish he had accepted the offer.

but enough with the what ifs.

nee's an american born chinese, so she has no problem going back (damn that lucky thing), so if somehow things don't work out hopefully i'll still be in US by 2011, although the earliest time i can get there is 2007. actually it's all pretty much planned, where i'll be staying and which college (and subsequently, university) i'll be going to.
my dad even started talking about a job.

but like that's ever going to happen.

[by the way, i need somebody to teach me cantonese, and tina, we're going to become effectively bilingual by the end of this year. by next year, effectively trilingual okay? i want my spanish lessons!]

the only thing i've really been pondering over is this,

but you know, when we go to US there's no way you can come back anymore. it's not like going to australia. when we go to US, you'll have no more life in singapore.

2005-11-05T16:37:00.001+08:00

with all things adidas that i've been buying/ carrying,
they should pay me.

now, gorgeous (adidas) shoes, and they're all mine!
(supposedly men's? - checked on the internet, but who cares, they're pretty anyway)
to ru and tina: you'll be happy to know that the logo's in GOLD.

2005-11-05T16:37:00.000+08:00

three things that happened today during the super sevens:

#1
joline got whacked by a ball some sengkang girl hit. after that she was in alot of pain and while everyone was attending to her, the sengkang team had a conference. so during this conference, michelle overheard one of them scolding the girl who hit the ball, "WHY YOU INJURE THE GOALKEEPER YOU BODO?!"

#2
elisa was marking #14, coincidentally also named elisa! so when her team mate shouted elisa, go! our elisa started running too, and when michelle shouted elisa go! to our elisa their elisa started running also! that was funny.

#3
the first game was BAD BEYOND WORDS. we had no idea what we were doing, we didn't even know the rules! but after that it got better... somewhat.

so here's to a better time/ score next saturday! with our CRAZY training schedule (omg hanis, it's total madness!), we can't get any worse.

2005-11-04T19:11:00.000+08:00

i wish i could be every little thing you wanted, all the time.

when i figure out a way to escape, you'll be the first to know, promise. (:

2005-11-03T18:16:00.000+08:00

to all the people who make halloween out to be some kind of I WORSHIP SATAN FESTIVAL:

CHILL.

i can't stand it when all these self righteous fanatics distort halloween. look, it's just a day where kids get to dress up, go trick-or-treating and collect candy. nothing more than that. i grew up celebrating halloween and i don't think i'm an avid fan of black magic/ satanic practices/ whatever, SO GET OVER YOURSELVES ALREADY. yes i am well aware that halloween does have pagan roots, but so what? just because it's a non-religious practice you don't support it? GEEZ WHAT ERA IS THIS. and i'm not asking you to practise it either, all i want is for people to stop dissing it because IT IS NO BIG DEAL.

sheesh. i don't believe in God but i respect religion, and unlike certain people i respect ALL KINDS of religion (racial and religious tolerance, hello? hasn't singapore's NE taught you anything?) so if you don't like/ don't approve of something, i highly doubt keeping mum for two seconds would kill you. in fact, you might actually seem a little more intelligent, how about that?

all i'm asking for is tolerance and respect, even if you don't like the culture. if you're incapable of exhibiting basic civilized manners, shut the fuck up, get the hell away from me and go preach to someone else, thank you very much.

2005-11-02T23:10:00.000+08:00

early sunshine morning where i tried to roll out of bed like they do in the movies, but only because the air-con was making too much noise for me to laze in bed comfortably, and i was aching too much to actually roll out of bed glamorously. it went more like, owowowowowOWWWSHIT!

pw-ed again, but today was fun because today we shot our advertisement! welcome B-FIVE, brynner(alternatively, bryna), bambi, betty, britney and bobo. shooting was actually pretty fun, our bloopers are hilarious! so after a very successful morning filming/ editing the powerpoint, the four of us (kahyin went home) went off to pizza hut for lunch. (but only after much reluctance from brynner and i.)

lunch was hella fun - with those people you either want to ship them off to god knows where or bring them home and lock them up in a cage for entertainment, but cheese does not sit very well with training under the HAWT sun. parting words between jiaying and i were - see you in the toilet!
(we thought we were going to puke, see)

but no, we didn't! well mainly because her training was cancelled and i was feeling okay-ish. but that didn't stop me from complaining about the cheese overload anyway.

and after training, we went to get our turf shoes! i hate having such tiny feet. in the end, the four of us got the same (kids) pair and i think we really pissed the shopkeepers off because we couldn't decide which size to get. we called teresa to come help save us, but she wasn't much use either. the silly girl kept trotting off to the nearest shoe rack, grabbing pair after pair just to come back gesturing quite wildy, EH LOOK, NICE RIGHT! she's such a cutie, really.

and now i am off to bed, because after tapping the air-con a few times with the (very handy) hockey stick it has decided to shut up. here's to a peaceful night's rest, goodnight everybody. (:

[edit]
i also just realized i thought yesterday was sunday. OHMY.
[/edit]

2005-11-01T15:29:00.000+08:00

i am officially miserable. after organizing my plans for the holidays, i just have to ask, WHAT HOLIDAYS?!

look for me december 2006, i'll be free then.

i also wasted half my sunday picking out gorgeous evening gowns for the mother, who very unapologetically decided not to buy it at the last minute because, it was too expensive. and it's the second weekend that she's robbed already. i also have to miss the housecomm gathering later at zong's place because i have some stupid family dinner to attend. doesn't exactly help that it's one of those days, where you wake up feeling like a MESS. i went to daniel yam's in sneakers and a cap, HA.
i hate ranting excessively like this but if i keep this in any longer, i will murder the next poor soul who happens to come my way, just because.

the only good thing today is that i got to see my 200dollars jacket which i will unfortunately, never get to buy. you know on second thought, i don't think that's a good thing after all.

yesterday was halloween and for once in a very long time i didn't get to celebrate it. i did however, spend my evening with the hockey girls after (killer) training at ikea. good company and good food.

thank god mr soh decided not to do the laps of honour. he must think we're superheroes or something - 6 300m, 6 200m, 6 100m, 6 50m, 6 10m sprints. all that after circuits too. the day he makes us do that is the day the girls will lock ourselves in the toilet and refuse to come out.

now i will stop being a pain and shut up with the complaints.

2005-10-30T21:36:00.000+08:00

a little early, but happy halloween everyone!

2005-10-29T19:58:00.000+08:00

this happened on a very moody monday, when all of us were feeling terrible/ out of sorts/ down in the dumps. michelle and weiyan crashed my place to watch sisterhood of the traveling pants (again), armed with lots of junk food and cushions. after that, we managed to drag weiyan out (who was whining non-stop, but i don't want to climb the stairs! HUH why is it so high up?!) to the nearest overhead bridge to watch the pretty sunset.

sometimes weiyan says the funniest things. usually the most ridiculous too.

which is why, you cannot blame anyone if he/ she decides to squat down in the middle of nowhere because he/ she is laughing too hard.

michelle noted that this is a very girl school thing to do. i also want to add, that once tina did this IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CAF, on the stairs. we were mortified! and we also pretended she wasn't our friend after that.

this was hard to do. we took this photo a couple of times, but somehow we couldn't get all of us in, so in the end we gave up.

take #1: later, we decided to put the camera on timer mode and SAUNTER across, but somehow we ended up brisk-walking and when it snapped, we weren't there anymore.

take #2: so, this time we decided to go slow.

take #3: and then, we had to run back.

-

"I thought Molly and I loved each other, but maybe I made the whole thing up."
"No, Jude. Molly loved you."
"Then why did she stop?"
"She didn't stop. But I think she got scared."
"Scared of what?"
"Scared of being different. Scared of losing herself in you. Molly wasn't as strong as you are."

Jude frowned. It didn't make sense. Molly was older. She had usually been the leader. And Jude didn't feel strong. She felt like crawling under her bed and never coming out.

- Lisa Alther's Five Minutes in Heaven

go read it, it's damn good. but i wouldn't recommend it if you're a
homophobe.

2005-10-29T11:14:00.000+08:00

97 will never top 99, deal with it.
my grades SUCK.

-
"what is it? my dear?"
"ah, how can we bear it?"
"bear what?"
"this. for so short a time. how can we sleep this time away?"
"we can be quiet together - and pretend - since it is only the beginning - that we have all the time in the world."
"and every day we shall have less. and then none."
"would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?"
"no. this is where i have always been coming to. since my time began. and when i go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run.
but now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere."

- A.S Byatt, Possession
from The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

2005-10-28T14:41:00.000+08:00

i feel like i have to do this obligatory last day of school post.
it's not that i don't want to, it's just that today feels nothing like the last day of school.

a last day of school would normally involve:

-handing out of progress reports/ report cards (check)
-use your hands campaign aka free labour
-slacking, laughing, talking and just having fun with classmates in the almost new spick and span (not spit and spank) classroom
- camera whoring (check)
- wild partying / retail therapy/ celebratory meal after

i didn't even get to say goodbye to everyone - they just walked out of the classroom, and suddenly, SCHOOL WAS OVER.

so here i am, being the ultimate loser by holing myself up in the room because nee has some 12 year old terrors over for company (who also stole my macaroni lunch share) and no way am i going to be out there with those girls.

-

one year has ZOOMED by already, although in retrospect i think the process itself was a pretty arduous task. but i'll leave this for another time, because that will come under the obligatory what i have done this year / reflections 2005 / what i will not do next year / how the year has changed me / (any other variations along the same line) entry.

2005-10-26T16:42:00.000+08:00

the market kills more artistic passion than anything else. it's a world of safety out there, for most people. they want safety, the magazines and manufacturers give them them homogenity, give them familiar and comfortable, don't challenge them.
profit and subscriptions and the rest of that stuff dominate art. we're all getiing lashed to the great wheel of uniformity.
-the bridges of madison county

even at nine i thought that was important and dog-earred the page (i don't dog ear anything [intentionally] anymore).

SHIT, GREY ESTABLISHMENT IN A COUPLE OF YEARS.

i want to stop growing up and remain seventeen forever.

2005-10-25T20:07:00.000+08:00

so the last few days have been pretty crazy. although technically it's only been like, two days. RIGHT.

sometimes i think i suffer from some split personality disorder or something. either that, or i'm a terrible mood-swinger.

anyway, i'm worried about my brain. i seriously believe the brain matter inside is experiencing significant deterioration, and even with minimum knowledge of biology, i know this can't be good.

pw is a bitch. for the past few days we've all been stressing out over the damn op. it doesn't help that lynn and i are VERY, VERY DIFFERENT people so half the time i feel like screaming OHMYGOD NO! but we've managed to get through the two days without biting each other's heads off.

training yesterday nearly killed all of us. (hanis if you're reading this, please bear in mind that i will be seeing you on thursday so it really doesn't work to your advantage if you say anything otherwise, OKAY) so many of us spent at least some time slumped over the toilet bowl puking our guts out. yeah yeah, weaklings.
WE'LL GET BETTER.

anyway, we did sprints too and it reminded me of when i was ten, and still in track. i HATED doing 200m because DAMN IT WAS TOO LONG and i LOVED hurdles (to death) because miss jaya would say, PRETEND YOU'RE SWIMMING! so it felt like we were dancing and running at the same time - that was fun.

speaking of the past, i just started reading the bridges of madison county, again. i read the book when i was nine but i couldn't understand a single thing, plus i thought it was disgusting because it was all about
LOVE ROMANCE SEX LITERATURE PHOTOGRAPHY DREAMS PASSION blah blah blah.

i quite like it now, though.

and man, i feel old.

2005-10-23T10:43:00.000+08:00

i feel like lugging all my TO SELL stuff to the flea market later because i am broke beyond words and STILL going. except that,

a) i need a space to sell the stuff
b) i need money for that
c) it's already closed anyway.

this money issue is getting to be one heck of a problem.

off the topic, yesterday i had my first margarita at modesto's with the best wood-fired italian pizzas ever. i don't understand why people love hawaiian pizzas.
i say, go for the pepperonis, people!
in my opinion, i think the pepperoni is the best topping available and every pizza place should make it mandatory to include them pepperonis. which is why i'm not a fan of the hawaiian pizzas, it's just ham, cheese, and pineapple.

but why am i talking about pizzas anyway.

we also had a pw meeting yesterday, where only four out of five of us made it, and only three out of four of us actually did work. we made brynner the busboy and sent him out to buy brunch for us. lynn's mom even asked him to post letters for her - he'd make a really, really good househusband.

on the other hand, i'd make a terrible wife and mother because

i cannot cook,

[case in point:
I BLOW UP KITCHENS. well no, not really. but once when i was in home ec class, i was happily doing fried rice when mrs see came to me and said, "why you fry your rice so long one?!" excuse me, but it is not my fault that the stupid stove takes an eternity to heat up, right.
and then another time when we were supposed to do a chocolate cake, meihong and i decided to tweak the ingredients a little (we were very deluded chefs in the making) and doubled the amount of cocoa powder required. in the end our cake didn't rise AT ALL and it was rock-hard and bitter.]

i cannot wash clothes (and shoes too),
i cannot be magnanimous and self-sacrificial everyday of my life,
and,
i'd probably lose my kids shopping.

[edit]
i do believe flea maket was the highlight of my october. most prized possession is a $24 brand new, authentic loop clutch with purple satin lining. the very eccentric nat and i managed to snag the last piece (with minimum persuasion from the seller). i think i'm in love.
i also met half the world there, and nearly fought with karen (okay this is an exaggeration - she was standing on one side looking at it, and i was holding it) for an anna sui grunge dress/ top, until we both politely stepped away from it after the price was made known to us by an over zealous seller.
[/edit]

2005-10-21T19:28:00.000+08:00

"do they collide?"
i ask and you smile.
with my feet on the dash
the world doesn't matter.

if you think about it carefully, things really aren't that bad, i guess.

i am about to become the stereotypical arts student, because come next week (and the rest of my life) it's SO LONG, FAREWELL, GOOD RIDDANCE, MATH.

there's so many things i want to do, like the model united nations conference, but there's no time and lynn keeps reminding me - prioritize jien, prioritize!
i wish i could, but i don't want to live my life that way. i don't like normal people, and i absolutely refuse to be another one of those girls.

yet i think i'm morphing into that and i HATE it.

2005-10-20T20:21:00.000+08:00

another day wasted being pissed off, hysterical, and pmsey.

trial run turned into joyride around the island, but it was fun anyway.

i was supposed to go for training today, but i ended up being stuck in a room full of screaming people trying to settle the house points system. i think it was the first time everyone lost their tempers, and it didn't help that most of the girls were pmsing. i saw jialing keeping quiet and looking all tired and worn out from the big hooha over how many points a gold medallist should get and i wanted to go over and give her a hug, but i was feeling pretty cheesed off too.

we were halfway through the screaming match of the year when training ended so in the end, i couldn't take it and ran out to say hello to all of them. meetings keep on clashing with training dates and i don't know what the hell to do. we had the longest meeting ever today, in the end we ended up with a very frustrated zong going, "ARGH MEETING ADJOURNED LAH!".

ice cream with phil, weiyan, herng and pius (thanks for the funny broken zips stories, herng.)helped a little, but now i'm just feeling even more annoyed at the whole world. i'm frustrated, moody, tired, mad, scared, and i'm ready to clobber anyone with a hockey stick if they dare irritate me any further.

PMS GO AWAY ALREADY.

2005-10-19T20:44:00.000+08:00

*flea market this sunday, ask me for the details if you're interested.

today on my way home i nearly cried because i witnessed a snail being squashed by some heartless jogger. i wanted to scream YOU ASSHOLE and push him to the ground, but instead i sat at the bus stop, in shock.
one minute a living organism, the next a sticky, gooey mess.

school has become increasingly DULL and the only reason why i am going is because, i cannot skip. tomorrow though, may be a better day. we're having the trial run from sajc at malan road to sav at potong pasir, and we have the best place of all - we run into the new school compound carrying the flag.

a word of caution: do not mess with pmsing girls i.e. me.

now i shall crawl into bed and sleep my crazy psychotic state away, goodnight world.

2005-10-17T18:42:00.000+08:00

today was chinatown - sourcing for materials part 1 with nee (since everybody else was busy), next week we're meeting a (sort of) professional costume designer to hunt for cloth.

this is looking good.

other updates:
1. i failed my piano exam, expectedly. BUT BY 3 BLOODY MARKS.
2. tiff and i have to report to miss k tomorrow, again. probably for the rest of our lives too. and yes everyone, the skirt is MINE, i did not borrow it.
3. lj bites, chomp chomp.
4. why i love dcfc - read the damn lyrics of every single song.

2005-10-16T12:42:00.000+08:00

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE BUY THIS FOR ME.

2005-10-15T22:39:00.000+08:00

housecommers don't do early saturday mornings, darling.

TIFFOS MY LOVE.
during a meeting sometime earlier this week, we were discussing open house duties when suddenly tiff exclaimed,
"WAIT, WHEN IS OPEN HOUSE?!"

open house was fun, we were school guides, and tiff and i were partners for the day. right now i shall officially declare my undying love for that girl. i tried proposing to her (with a mineral water bottle) in the middle of the hall, but halfway through i went, "OW my knee hurts!" because getting down on one knee IS NOT EASY.

we collected all the souvenirs from the different ccas, so to every group we led, we'd end off with a
JOIN HOCKEY, NETBALL, SOCCER, TOUCH, TENNIS, SSC, CANOEING, HOUSECOUNCIL!
somebody actually asked us if we were in all the ccas.
um, no.

and we kept running away from mass dance -
TIFF IT'S TWO THIRTY, MASS DANCE. RUN!
because you cannot expect two dunces who know NOTHING about the dance to go up there and shame housecouncil right.

we were pretty.. weird guides, actually. at one point, we burst out singing and jumping to some song and screamed when tiff's hockey magnet dropped off her tag. the people on tour thought we were freaking crazy.

-

just now i watched sisterhood of the traveling pants.
if you haven't watched that show, i don't want to be your friend.

just kidding.

but it's my kind of show. I LOVE.

-

nee's off to secondary school soon, we were discussing which schools she should choose and this is proof as to why my mom is just plain weird.
i remember when i was p6, she made me put ijtp, followed by scgs and then cedar.
now she wants to put cedar, st nick's, scgs, BALESTIER SECONDARY (?!), and rgs.

i swear, the woman's totally deluded.

2005-10-14T18:03:00.000+08:00

i think it's going to be really difficult to try to express today in words, but here goes -

when we had chapel it sounded like we were all going to be retained. that was pretty scary.

after that a41 camped out in D22, homeroom for the day. i quite liked how the arts fac had an entire block to ourselves actually.

gp was a total disaster, 11 passes for paper 2 in the whole class. so after i got my scripts i wanted to crawl into a hole and die there.
my gp grade is disgusting.

raw score for the rest, ccof.
i'm happy because i really expected to fail promos, but at the same time, i don't know if i want to continue. so now i have this huge dilemma and it doesn't help that some of my closest friends didn't make it. i like(d) sa because of the people, and i really don't wish to go through it without them.

a41 won't be able to move on up together and i hate that. we've been making some good progress, e.g. i bet we're the only class who took that photo thing out in the field, forming 41 and doing the crazy one, two, three, JUMP! thing.

in other news, i got into trouble because of my skirt, again.
with miss k, again.
twice, today.
yes so now i'm a disgrace to the house because my skirt is ridiculously and obscenely short.

okay?

okay.

[edit]

i forgot to mention that today peiyu, michelle and i were locked in the same cubicle (intentionally, i mean). it was horrible knowing how moving on could mean leaving someone behind, and we stayed there for the longest time, where it felt like nobody could get us.
it felt so safe.

after dinner, nee and i went for a walk at the field where weiyan and i walked round and round memorizing INTERNAL EOS. it's really weird how she's twelve and i'm seventeen. it's like she still has that magical childlike quality in her, however transcient it may be. tonight i think i made her grow up a little though, telling her the joys (and horrors) of going to an all girls' school.

and i know i am a few million years slow, but i FINALLY watched love actually, so everyone can you please stop laughing at me already. oh it's such a beautiful show!
PROOF AS TO WHY I STILL WANT TO DATE A DRUMMER. (haha)

christmas, please come quick.

[/edit]

2005-10-13T17:55:00.000+08:00

house day went pretty smoothly, we mainly amused ourselves with variations of softball, talked a little (no actually, a lot), and jumped around screaming.

the sixth housecommers (girls only) officially declared today HUG DAY. pretty damn cool, we kept group hugging and running around this huge crazy circle. the boys thought we were pretty mad though.

following that, we had a meeting - discipline issues. it's all over now thankfully, but the talk we were given today, it just made me realize that maybe i don't want to leave all this after all. the sixth housecommers make school a lot more bearable, and a hell lot more worthwhile.

soccer match against student council after, we sat in the sun attempting to tan, while screaming our lungs out (since the boys were playing their hearts out) but along the way, things got so tense we forgot about the whole tanning idea.
we lost, 6-4. but hey, the boys put up a good fight, plus we're still the ones with the nicer jerseys.

my voice is very nearly gone now, i can't bloody breathe properly and i could hardly get out of bed this morning because of a very heavy head. now that i've made it through the day, i half-regret it, because i'm going to die tomorrow when i get the results back anyway.

oh, yay.

2005-10-12T17:07:00.000+08:00

this morning i asked my dad how much it'd cost to remove my tonsils, and he said, "go cut off yourself lah."
a) like, no.
b) but i'm really sick of having a sore throat approximately once a month.

stupid tonsils.

house day tomorrow! i'm in charge of soccer, with liangsheng and qianxiang. when we got our duty list yesterday, i exclaimed, "WHY AM I IN CHARGE OF SOCCER?! HELLO HAVE YOU SEEN ME WITH A SOCCER BALL?!" and sadly, the whole room just erupted in laughter. hence, i am still stuck with soccer, plus the dear classmates won't be around because they'll be off to the la mian place, so

hello anyone if you're free, please come visit me, thank you. (:

and now, a bimbo moment:

i realized a few days ago that going to poly could actually be pretty fun. i'd get to dress up everyday, but at the same time, i think i'd be late because i'll have such a hard time deciding what to wear.

but this doesn't mean i want to fail my finals, in case you were thinking that way.

2005-10-11T18:33:00.000+08:00

yesterday, dipak was rushed to the hospital after the doctor at the polyclinic told him he didn't look too good, and advised him to go to the hospital to check. in the end, he was operated on immediately because his entire lung collapsed. it started out with a rupture in his right lung, throw in some bio terms and you get his conditioin - his lung was the size of a deflated balloon.

today, herng, phil, weiyan and i went to visit him at sgh. while he was recounting the entire episode, weiyan couldn't keep her very itchy fingers off the buttons of the bed (the ones that control the degree of elevation etc.) and we were so afraid she'd somehow end up throwing him off his own bed and onto the patient opposite him.

hospitals make me think a lot more about death than i should be. as a seventeen year old i should be contemplating the larger issues in life, like SHOULD I CONTINUE WITH MY JC EDUCATION, and not obsessing over things like SHOULD I BE BURIED OR CREMATED (by the way, buried, thanks), or even more morbid matters such as WHAT I WILL WRITE IN MY WILL.

anyway, dipak, you (too) skinny and (too) tall boy, please get well soon so weiyan can stop finding opportunities to go to the hospital just to play with cool bed functions, while terrorizing the very innocent patients.

2005-10-10T18:56:00.000+08:00

just got back from pw. or well, it was supposed to be pw, but we ended up doing very little (yet most of what we had to do has been completed!) and talking way too much. i love my pw group, and i know i'm one lucky girl to have such spunky team members because while the other groups have already started secretly bitching about their team members, my group's getting on fine and dandy.

and i am obviously lacking the word SELF-RESTRAINT in my vocabulary, because i went shopping, again. my weakness for skirts got the better of me, so i bought this GORGEOUS swishy skirt, with lynn's full approval, i might add. yes and now i'm spending in the negative zone.

AND I STILL CANNOT STOP SHOPPING.

i swear i have some sort of disorder.

i am also a terrible person, over the last few days, i have single-handedly made lynn spend $200, but she's happy (and she ought to be because the things she bought are GORGEOUS) and i suppose that reduces my evilness, somewhat. i have this incredible knack for spending other people's money, it seems like everyone's 'stepping out of their comfort zones' (for tina quite literally, she bought a pair of HOT PINK pumps.) because of me, and i'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

-

yesterday was good,
firstly my curfew got extended (under certain conditioins but i think they're reasonable enough),
second - shopping spree was fun,
and thirdly shopping/ raffles hoteling was such an adventure!

it took me two years to earn my parents' trust back and i refuse to lose it again, because i know i'll be grounded for life the next time.

moving on, met tina for dinner where we went to raffles hotel for dinner disguised as dessert. before that we went shopping (again) where we nearly died of shock when we were at the fitting room in esprit. we were contemplating this gorgeous bag when out stepped jasmin from one of the changing rooms. i gasped so loudly, tina was scared to turn around to see who it was.

anyway raffles hotel - we got tactfully chased out after an hour ("would you like your bill now, ma'am?") and we actually gave a 30% tip. after that tina was like, "RUN! i don't want them coming after us with change!"
so much for acting rich.

this is what exams do to you - EYEBAGS.

i think the tourists thought we were pretty crazy, especially since we were (in tina's words) 'hovering over a statue of a head'.

(tina, i want them photos please!)

after dinner we went off to raffles city to shop, again. congratulate me, i am officially broke for the week because i have already spent my entire week's allowance, and nothing on my shopping list has been checked off as yet.

i'd get myself a financial planner, but i wouldn't have the moolah to pay the poor guy.

2005-10-08T12:23:00.000+08:00

not many people know this, but i love jazz. which is why i'm hoping some kind soul will ask me out on monday night and surprise me with tickets for michael buble's concert.

-

memories are wonderful things if you don't have to deal with the past.

beautiful morning with before sunset, post promos relaxation with a good movie can really do wonders.

on love, marriage, magic and the universe:

jesse: okay, so you do believe in religion?
celine: no, i don't think so.
jesse: what about fate?
celine: [shakes her head] mm-mmm.
jesse: God?
celine: no.
[laughing]
celine: but at the same time i don't want to be one of those people who don't believe in anything magical.
jesse: so then, astrology.
celine: yes, of course! now that makes total sense, right? you're a capricorn, i'm a sagittarius, that's why we get along so well!

-

jesse: in the months leading up to my wedding, i was thinking about you all the time. i mean, even on my way there; i'm in the car, a buddy of mine is driving me downtown and i'm staring out the window, and i think i see you, not far from the church, right? folding up an umbrella and walking into a deli on the corner of 13th and broadway. and i thought i was going crazy, but now i think it probably was you.
celine: i lived on 11th and broadway.

-

shows like this make me want to ditch the technological demons and walk the streets of paris myself. and if you've watched it, then you'll understand,
because

baby, you're gonna miss that plane.

2005-10-07T20:46:00.000+08:00

highly exciting day -

math went surprisingly okay, considering i didn't study and i was really all geared up for just partial fractions. last night i suffered a terrible panic attack, crying and writing under the covers.

and then i nearly died on the way to school today, this car cut into the lane and my dad had to brake and stop in the middle of the road, quite the traumatic experience.

after math we ran off to town for some good retail therapy. half the world was in town, everywhere we turned it was EH HI! lynn says i'm bad influence because i kept telling her, nevermind, just try it! but in the end she was really satisfied with her loot. so bad influence, i think not.

I WANT THAT ZARA DENIM SKIRT PLEASE.
i nearly didn't want to leave the changing room because of that gorgeous mini.

i know i have an awful weakness for skirts, but some things just can't be helped.

really really good day today (thankyou darlings (: ), but i guess this is always the case, how one minute you're really high and the next you're just (way) down in the dumps.

i should learn to block out all these thoughts, and focus on happier things, like my (soon-to-be) skirt.

2005-10-06T17:53:00.000+08:00

i have nothing to say about lit. except that after the paper jiaying and i turned to each other and went I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE FOR PC! so many people mentioned sex (quite explicitly too) in their essays, but nobody can beat brynner's take on othello:

"brabantio loves desdemona, desdemona loves othello, but othello loves the state and sex more."

because jiaying and i cannot do math (which is tomorrow by the way, and i still have't touched it since a month ago), we have decided to write each other letters after completing our partial fractions (and maybe differentiation for me, and binomial for her).

yipee.

-

i'm sorry but i cannot help the POST PROMOS PLANS from running (quite wildly) through my head:

tina and lynn won't stop laughing at me because i'm perpetually broke. it's not my fault that i don't get enough moolah, and i love all things pretty, which is where i lose 80% of my allowance to.

we're going shopping tomorrow; i have to curb my terrible spending habits. apparently i'm worse than tina (and that girl really cannot save).
but i only have 4dollars left when just a few days ago i had a very crisp 50dollar note sitting in my wallet.

where is all my money.

2005-10-05T17:51:00.000+08:00

i really wanted to do well for econs, i'm sick of being FOURTH PERCENTILE and this time, i studied, i did my work (which includes the entire tys), i wrote essays, i read outline after outline and attempted to analyze every single question.

however, i just messed up the paper, and hence, my life.

results will be out by next friday, if i don't make it, leave me alone unless you want to be snapped at/ whined to, thanks.

2005-10-04T11:49:00.000+08:00

yes, i am the girl who did econs during geog.
but only because i couldn't do the paper at all!
so after an hour, i started revising market structures.

score: promos - 1, jien - 0

this morning was funny, i got to school and dragged everyone i knew to see the pretty rainbow.
IT'S A SIGN, THERE'S HOPE!
everyone thought i was some half-crazed, sleep deprived girl though.

and because the entire morning crew touched geog except me, i kept screaming OMG WHAT?! because WHY ARE THERE SO MANY DIFFERENT KINDS OF URBANIZATION ALREADY.

the paper was traumatic, period.

econs and lit, please don't fail me now.

2005-10-03T16:48:00.000+08:00

):
go away world, i can't be bothered to deal with you today.

2005-10-03T13:02:00.000+08:00

fourth percentile.
i can't get that out of my head.

SCHOOL IS THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE.

my econs tutor is a genius, he gives us so much material (i have essay outlines from 1994), but my brain cannot register anything that i'm reading now.
i feel like information's spilling out from my head and i should hold a bowl under it so i can catch everything and plop it back in.

plus,

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT INTEGRATION HAS TO DO WITH MY LIFE.
honestly, i think knowledge of primary school math is enough to survive, it's not like i'm actually going to use differentiation when i am FIFTY, and perhaps SENILE, you know.
and, i find it highly unlikely that trigo's going to come in handy, if you want to find a stupid angle, JUST USE A PROTRACTOR ALREADY, HELLO.

that's just for math.

people like me do not do math! people like me should tattoo
WARNING! COMPLETE DUMMY WHEN DEALING WITH NUMBERS!
on their foreheads, i bet we'd be able to start a whole new species.

and geography - i have a paper less than 24 hours away and i STILL have not touched it. DAMN YOU ROCKS AND LANDFORMS, DAMN YOU HYDROLOGY, DAMN YOU WHAT-ELSE-HAVE-YOU (this because i haven't studied).

when doing my Os, the only thing i felt so strongly about about was bio, and the only thing i actually learnt from bio - STRESS CAUSES MUTATION. which i think, is common sense.

i am in vehement denial, because i keep thinking that a miracle is going to happen (to me, of all people) and that i'll wake up tomorrow morning all prepared to tackle promos, and by some inexplicable force of nature hand in a decent answer script.

2005-09-29T22:35:00.000+08:00

hi, my name is jien. i sometimes go by the name of melissa.
i'm seventeen and i like the color purple.
i used to want to be a lot of things, but i was young, and naive.
sometimes i pretend to be another person but most of the time i'm just a seven-year-old pretending to be seventeen.
i think it fools most people.
and i don't wish to reveal any more, because i know everyone will just use this against me anyway.
i was hoping that in writing this, i would have remembered one of the more sacred I WILL NEVER DO THIS WHEN I GROW OLDER promises i made to myself when i was younger, but the words fail me now, and my mind's a blank.

2005-09-29T21:15:00.000+08:00

and so the question remains, can we truly forgive if we never forget?
a year older, a year wiser.
i don't know why i remembered in the first place.
i'm no longer angry.
it's just, i don't ever want to be a substitute anymore.

made friends at kovan today, friendly man with a hint of an accent. i told him milo's good for the brain, when i hardly ever drink milo anyway.
then there was the little girl whom i saved, i held the toilet door open for her, and she turned to me to say thankyou. later i helped her wash her hands because she was too little to reach the tap. even after she ran to her mother, she kept looking over to smile, and i suddenly realized that i still do love kids very much, and it's something i thought i lost a long time ago, along with myself.
then there was that dancing girl, or the britney wannabe, as we very affectionately called her. she performed a whole routine in the middle of mac's, complete with random chinese words she sang to herself everytime she thrusted her hands into the air.

2005-09-28T20:31:00.000+08:00

mad studying with tina today.
(lynn came to join us for a bit but she had to rush off for tuition.)

ELEVEN HOURS!
with (long) breaks where we, the melodramatic kids of bartley/ kovan, indulged in highly intellectual discussions about LOVE. mind-boggling thing, that.

i have a whole chunk i need to say but my mind is screaming NONONONONO! and my fingers are flying all over the keyboard. i guess my sense of urgency finally hit, albeit a little late, and not in the form of a truck. rather, when it did arrive i was standing in the middle of mac's copying notes and screaming OHMYGODOHMYGOD!, flinging papers around and scribbling all over.

it's going to be a long day/ night, after this is 4 hours of econs, and another 6 hours of lit. i'll be sleeping at 6am tomorrow morning, but somehow this feels good because for once in a very long time i feel like i'm actually deriving some satisfaction from all this madness and flurry.

happy studying (holidays) everyone.

2005-09-27T18:45:00.000+08:00

IT IS VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO STAY AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER.

gp today was a complete disaster. after we handed in our essays i turned to tina behind and both of us kept going, "shit i'm so screwed i'm so screwed SHIT!"
while trying my best to convey how horrific the paper was, i went, "and my conclusion! i just said something about how the question is not what the boundaries are, but the extent to which - OHMYGOD I'M DAMN SCREWED, WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST WRITE!"
paper two thankfully, wasn't as bad. i wanted to write on marriage for paper one, but there was no question on that. yeah well, paper two went like this -

"you may begin now"
*flips page*

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE

OHMYGOD. anyway, for once i was really focused and so i didn't feel too bad about it after, although i am still extremely sore about paper one.
oh, and i heard something funny about the AQ pertaining to us students (and our take on same-sex marriages). ask me if you want to know, because as this is on the WORLD WIDE WEB, i don't think i am at the liberty to blog about it.

anyhow after that, it was off to the white tangerine cafe to study again. we were there for so long, mission impossible 2 replayed 6 times. (but it was only the first disc.) lynn drowned herself in math and her music, because tina and i kept embarrassing her by talking (really loudly) about sex in the middle of the place.
BUT WE WERE DOING OTHELLO!

tina: and apparently, there are essays written on whether their marriage was consumated or not.
lynn: i think it was, i think they had sex lah.
me: yeah i think so too, and probably mutiple times.
*lynn looks horrified*
lynn: ohmygosh jien!

i was so excited when i learnt about the joys of 'dramatic presentation', i started picking out every little detail. TINATANA CALLED ME A BIMBO. that girl deserves to be shot.

me: oh! and brabantio is first introduced in his night gown, and he's the senator!
tina: jien, we're not doing some critically aclaimed play you know.
me: but othello has been said to be shakespeare's greatest tragedy!
tina: OMG JIEN YOU ARE SUCH A BIMBO. *tries to mimic me* oh it's such a tragedy that brabantio has to be introduced in a night gown! OH THE HORROR!

studying was good today, although now i smell like fried fish and chips from the cafe. i also nearly throttled my 9 year old neighbour to death. i had plans to bury him in my backyard, and subsequently build a pool over, desperate housewives style.

BOYS!

speaking of that, tina, lynn and i came to conclude that there are practically no guys/ men in school. all we have are BOYS. and we all agreed that boys are stupid.

-

i still don't feel the sense of urgency though.
i hope it comes and knocks me down like a truck. as soon as possible, please.

2005-09-26T14:43:00.000+08:00

i cannot emphasize how TERRIBLE i feel now, please make gp go smoothly.
i'm fucking scared i'll screw the papers up, honestly.
anyhow, i think it's high time i disappear for awhile in a very vain attempt to try to get promoted.
if you need me, you know the number.

-

okay let's put it this way -

1 hour of sleep
massive outbreak of zits
extremely badly planned fire drill
0/12 for math test
not finishing reading (and only reading!) othello

i'm not happy.

on the plus side,
high giggly time with tina and lynn
lynn winning the friend of singa award and us cheering.

i have a really bad feeling about tomorrow's paper.
it's my one shot at getting an A, or heck. it's my one shot at actually passing something.
i'm feeling pretty damn screwed for promos now.

no, i'm feeling pretty damn screwed for everything.

2005-09-26T03:01:00.000+08:00

intoxicated;

oh now i remember. my sister and i are collaborating! designs will probably be coming out in november/ december.
i'll let you guys know the details the minute nat and i can work through our differences.

2005-09-25T12:22:00.000+08:00

dear all, i am a very satisfied girl today because i had lasagne for dinner.
on top of that, my hair behaved very well, contrary to the big poofball it usually is like.
also, i got new shoes. gorgeous new shoes. (:
i'd give you a picture, but i'm not done lusting yet.

-

I go to her with a whisper,
she stands, taking my hand,
and we run off to the ferris wheels,
and the rollercoasters.

Care-a-gone is the paragon of existence,
a place that runaway and throw-away kids call home.

-Ryan Masaaki Yokota

white tangerine pictures, courtesy of chen weiyan (uoy traeh i)
click here.

2005-09-22T18:28:00.000+08:00

i feel really sorry for my vocabulary. or lack thereof, rather.

i need to start reading the dictionary, or the thesaurus.
okay, i bet my loser quotient just skyrocketed into the stratosphere.

in other news, i also desperately need to start studying.
somebody, anybody, please lock me up in solitary confinement until my brain decides to wake up from hibernation mode and start functioning properly again.
somehow i feel like i've lost all my working neurones to the Os.

2005-09-21T19:11:00.000+08:00

during lit today,

"it (love) makes you want to save the world one moment, and kill yourself the next."
-ms sng.

-

so much for studying.
i spent my afternoon watching sylvia and save the last dance.

sylvia plath's last poem -

Edge
Sylvia Plath

The woman is perfected.
Her dead
Body wears the smile of accomplishment,
The illusion of a Greek necessity
Flows in the scrolls of her toga,
Her bare
Feet seem to be saying:
We have come so far, it is over.
Each dead child coiled, a white serpent,
One at each little
Pitcher of milk, now empty.
She has folded
Them back into her body as petals
Of a rose close when the garden
Stiffens and odors bleed
From the sweet, deep throats of the night flower.
The moon has nothing to be sad about,
Staring from her hood of bone.
She is used to this sort of thing.
Her blacks crackle and drag.

-

i like this though.

Mad Girl's Love Song
Sylvia Plath

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

2005-09-20T21:02:00.000+08:00

my life is on hold right now, it's time to hit the books and study 24/7.
nobody is to bother me about my eyebags/ bad complexion/ bad hair (and no it is not normal).

2005-09-18T15:43:00.000+08:00

in the end, i fell asleep at 2 on my lit notes. half an hour later, i tried to start on geog, but couldn't even haul myself from the table so i crawled into nat's bed and slept. thank god she spent the night at my aunt's place or i would have ended up sleeping on the floor, or on top of five different ring files on my bed. or maybe i would have just stayed at the table. either way, it doesn't sound very pleasant.

now, the bloody bitch (in the form of pw) has come back to haunt me and i have to rush yet another draft.

i need a crash course in geog.

2005-09-17T21:45:00.000+08:00

happy birthday nee.

-

now, i shall pull an all-nighter, there's no (fricking) time and i realized that i am going to flunk math, which means it's time to start cramming geog.

2005-09-16T22:29:00.000+08:00

morning was a mad rush, i was filling lynn in on the skirt issue, and the whole unzip and pull thing couldn't really work out (i think my skirt's really too short) SO jiaying, being the sweet one that she is, offered to switch skirts with me. it was HUGE! i could fold it into half and it was on my hips, and till my knees. so obviously, i passed BUT now there's going to be 'periodic checks'.

anyway, today we went to the newater plant -

tina and oohleeoh

lynn makes me laugh

then lynn and i cabbed down to town, i kept embarrassing her because i was screaming, "i can't think, i need to pee!"

anyway, look who i spent my friday with!

SOUMYA SURESH, #23, MY DOOFUS!

that girl kept on embarrassing me, but i was embarrassing her so we called it quits. everytime we're together we always get lost or get in trouble with people.
today we walked out of the better toy store laughing and these mats went SHHH so we turned back to see what the hell their problem was, when they went SHHH again! anyway we were on our way to the toilet and they were following us, going "EH GIRL! GIRL!" so soum and i just looked at each other and laughed and pretty much ran into the toilet. WEIRDOS.
it was reminiscent of that time we got into trouble with those mats at macker's who were carrying knives going "WHO POINT? WHO POINT?" and then pointed at soum and went, "IS IT YOU? YOU POINT AH?"

anyway we were trying to shop and talk, but we just ended up talking and laughing so hard, we didn't even know we were shopping! so we finally decided to just sit down and catch up at the fountain (taka).

soum: OHMYGOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS STUPID THING! (referring to the fountain) IT KEEPS SPITTING AT ME! ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL TURN THE WHOLE THING OFF!

and i kept getting the water on my HEAD, so i was happily wiping the water off me and on soum, when she said,

"you never know what's in the water. maybe some child needed to pee really badly so the mother just held him over the fountain..."

"EWW SOUM! THAT'S GROSS! um, but... you're kinda getting wet too."

"OHMYGOD YEAH!"

AND while catching up with her, we found out that we're both supposed to go to UWA! unbelievable, really. but now she's probably going to melbourne, while i might possible be stuck in perth.

what i love about our friendship is that we SOMEHOW always end up doing things together, like saying/ doing things at the exact same time, going OHMYGOD in unison, or clearing our throats together. (she tried to jinx me yesterday HUR) even our handwritings are similar! (and we both can't draw AT ALL. okay, inside joke.)

SOUM LOVEYOU YOU DOOFUS (:

2005-09-15T23:25:00.000+08:00

UBER LONG DAY.

highlights/ lowlights:
(because i'm too tired to do this properly)

- watching bits of the othello video, I LOVE.
- softball for pe against S91, we lost but it was still fun anyway.
- skipping math lect to finish up geepee, but ended up talking to maylene and catching up on her crazy life.
- geepee with brynner lacking his 'female version' -jiaying.
- during gp, when we were touching on identities and how miss lye suddenly went, "say, for example, brynner and daniel get married". the whole class went HUH HAHAHA!
- lit lect where mr smith was speaking so fast and everyone was writing EVERYTHING down, lynn and i kept bursting into sporadic peals of laughter. everyone around us wanted to kill us i think, because we kept going OMG STOP STOP I CAN'T READ MY WRITING, HUH WHAT DID HE SAY OMG!
- getting really, really high on post lit lecture trauma. i kept laughing non-stop, at stupid things like julie and her irrational fear of birds because "they're so disgusting especially when they have no hair!" feathers, my dear. AND i just kept having to see the featherless-around-the-neck bird everywhere i turned so i was laughing (way) too much for my own good.

- getting caught for my skirt by OH YAY, miss k. "you have the privilege of seeing me tomorrow at 720am SHARP"
- but mr yoong was really nice about it, although he didn't rescue me while i was being lectured. nevermind, plan is to UNZIP AND PULL!

- pizza fest! thanks to mr yoong, who let us eat at b13 to reward us on a job well done for rhd (:
- sixth hsecommers!

- rushing off to weiyan's hse for major econs session, where my head was ready to go KABOOM!
- weiyan's neighbour screaming "NOOOOOOOOO!" really loudly and desperately halfway through tuition, i nearly died of fright.
- my mom came to pick me up after that, and get this - THE CAR DIED. so we had to use cables to revive it.

- oh yes, i nearly forgot. miss meek and demure whipping out before sunrise and before sunset and passing it me during econs. we were talking about all the movies we want to watch yesterday and she remembered i wanted to watch them. damn sweet, my meek and demure girl.

okay now to work on pw that bitch, and off for more econs.
(KABOOM.)

2005-09-14T15:31:00.000+08:00

i'm having terrible withdrawal symptoms.
yes i am fully aware that promos are 2-3 weeks away, but i just cannot bring myself to really study. spending time with the New Best Friend hasn't really helped either - my brief fling with econs is messing with my head, i keep seeing graphs all over the place. funny U-shaped graphs with lines cut through all over and i can't make out the little prints at the side (lables of the graphs), so basically, i am freaking myself out.

WHY MUST THERE BE SO MANY GRAPHS!

plus, it's not like i'm feeling much better, i'm STILL sick from last week. everyday i go, "OMG I CANT BREATHE! *sniffsniffSNIFF*". it is not funny, because i haven't been able to taste my food in one and a half weeks, and i continually get dizzy spells (must be from the lack of oxygen).

this morning my mom and i were talking about university options, yeah i know, i haven't even gotten through promos (which i have a bad feeling i won't if i continue to waste my time like this) BUT it's important anyhow. so the both of them are thinking of sending me overseas to UWA, which is more than i could ask for, really. and i think i don't have to do business either. then again, they'll probably change their mind and send me to local U, BUT i am worrying myself over nothing.

it's still a year away anyway.

(I HAVE PROMOS, OMG. IN THIRTEEN DAYS TOO.)

it scares me that i'm actually personifying this New Best Friend.

told you econs is messing with my head.

-

i had intellectual conversations today, something i haven't done in EONS.
most of the time, conversations just morph into bimbo talk with me gesturing quite wildly going, "you know!.. like, like.. you know!"

we also did this-

Valentine
Carol Ann Duffy

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or a kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding-ring,
if you like.

Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.

-

lit makes me think so (read: too) much, but i just can't get enough of it.
for now though, i should spend some time with my New Best Friend.

2005-09-13T20:24:00.000+08:00

we're made out of blood and rust
looking for someone to trust
without
a fight
i think that you came too soon
you're the honey and the moon
that lights
up my night.

please go listen to this song.

-

things are spiralling out of control already, and it's only tuesday.
i'm supposed to be independent i'm supposed to be independent i'm supposed to be independent.

(see, i knew school would do this to me.)

i'm an idiot, but you're an even bigger one. i don't like you very much, thanks.

2005-09-12T16:20:00.000+08:00

[edit]

oh yeah, i thought you'd know better, by the way.
i guess i thought wrong.

[/edit]

-

reasons as to why i should crawl into a hole and die now:

I BOMBED MY PIANO EXAM
I BOMBED MY PIANO EXAM
I BOMBED MY PIANO EXAM

it was, DISASTROUS.

so i had a panic attack last night, this morning and right before the exam.
NO BIG DEAL. (except for the poor people who had to put up with my hysteria)

anyway, i walked in.
me: good mor.. afternoon sir. -insert big smile here-
(i said the afternoon in a question - like, good.. afternoon?)
him: yes good afternoon to you too, it is afternoon dont worry.

okay so i started with scales, to 'warm up'.
MY SCALES WERE SO BAD I THINK THE GRADE 1 KID BEFORE ME DID A BETTER JOB.
he gave me Eflat minor for contrary motion, under normal circumstances that's one of my best, but NOO, NOT TODAY.
today, i had to play LIKE SHIT, in the end i think i only managed to hit the first and last note right.
OHGOD.

my pieces, were expectedly, TERRIBLE. i played worse than usual on account that my fingers were frozen and about to drop off (i was nervous, not cold).

SIGHT-READING. everyone knows i CANNOT sight-read AT ALL.
OH BUT I COULD.
at selective bars it actually sounded pretty melodious.
for the first time in my entire life. except of course, there's no way i'm going to pass because i got the rest of the extract wrong, HUR.

AURAL, well aural was painful.
i completely forgot how to sing. and no, i'm not kidding.
section B of the test, where you're supposed to sight sing, meaning they give you a piece of paper with pretty little notes and bars, and you're just supposed to sing.
OKAY.
i couldn't. I FROZE.
and my head was going,
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG HOW THE HELL DOES E G B SOUND LIKE OMGOMGOMG!!!!
i deserve a standing ovation for being the world's biggest screw up.
even better, section D of the exam where the examiner plays a short piece and you're supposed to answer question based on the texture, rhythm and period of the piece.

him: so what time period do you tihnk this piece was written in?
me: classical. (yeah because this was the only one i knew, HA)
him: and why is that so?
me: because.. it.. has alot of.. chords.. and um, it's like, you know, like, there are running notes.

WHAT THE HELL, i had no idea what i was saying!
and as you can see, when i get nervous i either ramble on and on OR act like a complete ditz.

so now i need to find that hole to crawl in.
i think i might have traumatized the examiner, who was a really nice person (HELLO IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I DID LIKE YOU, I'M SORRY I GAVE YOU HELL, PLEASEEE PASS ME, THANKS) and the steward kept laughing at me because before my exam i was completely freaking out and going,
"I'M GOING TO FAIL I'M GOING TO FAIL!"

OMFG I BOMED MY PIANO EXAM, AGAIN.

2005-09-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

it's sunday, last day of the week off, and i really don't want to go back to school because i'm relatively happy with how everything's going now, i think i've finally given my life some sort of order (sans the work) and now, this is it - THE END.

anyhow, i'm still a happy girl because jiaying and i went crazy exchanging songs online (BROADBAND IS SUCH FUN), really good music too, i might add.
DCFC, jack johnson, finch, straylight run, the early november, the perishers, the afters, dishwalla, copeland, too many more to name. YAY.
(my head is going to explode -SONG OVERLOAD, but entirely in a good way.)

see, who was the one who said it takes alot to please me?

-

dinner at the courtyard (raffles hotel) was beautiful.
an entire day with min, the childhood bestie.
it's so comfortable with her, because we've seen each other through practically everything.

which is why we can be total camerawhores in the restroom, and later act like tourists from hongkong (accent included) to get a decent shot, see below:

while lamenting about our love lives (or the lack thereof),
me: have you noticed, that our love lives NEVER work out?
min: yeah, does this mean we're destined for..
me: singlehood.
min: well, at least i like guys.
me: ummm. i don't mind them?
min: *stares hard before errupting in laughter*

and on the disappearance of a Certain Someone (who is away in kuching aka CAT IN MALAY (apparently) aka godknowswhere), we concluded that the possibilities include:
a) being banned from the computer, hence no msn
b) sick in bed with a lung infection
c) visiting grandparents in penang
d) died in freak fire
e) *continuation from b, died from lung infection

to make things worse, he forgot to bring his handphone charger so he's basically stranded in kuching (with no connection to civilization), diagnosed with a lung infection and there's always the Maybe Death issue.

loveyou min. (:
(even though you told charmaine i liked daryl when we were ten, i forgive you.)

-

could this be out of line? (could this be out of line)
to say you're the only one breaking me down like this
you're the only one i would take a shot on
keep me hanging on so contagiously

2005-09-01T03:00:00.000+08:00

"the journey lasted eight months. sometimes i travelled alone. sometimes there were others who took the wheel, and took my heart. but when the destination was reached, it wasn't me who arrived. it wasn't me at all.

and hansel said to gretel, "let us drop these breadcrumbs so that together we find our way home, because losing our way would be the most cruel of things." this year, i lost my way. losing your way on the journey is unfortunate, but losing your reason for the journey is a fate more cruel.

once you lose yourself you have two choices: find the person you used to be or lose that person completely.
because sometimes we have to step outside the person you've been, and remember the person you are meant to be. the person you wanted to be. the person you are.

this year, i got everything i wanted and everything i wished for but, in a way, i lost even more.

george bernard shaw once wrote, "there are two tragedies in life. one is to lose your heart's desire. the other is to gain it."
clearly, shaw had his heart broken once or twice.
as far as i'm concerned, shaw was a punk, 'cause you know what? tragedies happen. what are you gonna do? give up? quit? no. i realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. because you are,and that pain you feel, it's life. the confusion and fear, that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.
yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. but gaining your heart's desire,it's all you can hope for. this year, i wished for love. to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. my wish was granted... and if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy. because i wouldn't give it back for the world."

-one tree hill (edited).

no, my heart's not broken. but yes, i have lost my way, because i don't know who i am anymore. i've been more affected by people i never thought could affect me this much. i've learnt how to keep secrets of my own, i've learnt that when it's 3am and i can't sleep because it feels like there's nothing left anymore, and that there's nobody to turn to, and that "i'm always here" sometimes doesn't matter because everyone has their own problems. i've learnt that people cry alone all the time, that everyone pretends to be strong, but inside they're just falling apart.
i've learnt it's okay to cry, it's okay to scream, and it's even more okay to pretend to be okay.

it's okay to pretend.

i wish i could erase this whole year and start all over again, i've never made this many mistakes before, i've never lost so much, but at the same time, i've never gained this much either. i've been thinking alot, too much perhaps, but the sad truth is, i think i'm afraid of what i've become. or rather, what i have always been, just that this side has never shown.
(i'm afraid of being alone.)

i can't choose between trying to 'live without regrets' and trying to 'make the best of it'.

so i guess this is it, it's time to be independent, for once.
maybe i'll be back, maybe not.
but for now, excuse me.

2005-08-27T16:28:00.000+08:00

i've had enough.
it's goodbye for now (and i really do mean it this time), because i've had it with the late nights and the insecurities, with the strange stories i seem to exaggerate in my head. once and for all, I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

for those who care, you can reach me at melt_@hotmail.com.
if not, kindly go away, thankyou.

but for now, i'll be right back.

2005-08-27T09:20:00.000+08:00

RADIO ACADEMY

To further reinforce MediaCorp Radio as the true leader in radio broadcasting, both in Singapore as well as the region, Radio Academy is established to achieve our vision of attracting radio stations from around the region to send their talents here for training. In addition, Radio Academy also aims to spot potential local talents to groom them as glittering DJs of tomorrow.

We have put together a series of courses in 4 different languages to suit varying training needs, be it to realise your dream of becoming a radio DJ, or simply to enhance your speech and presentation skills.

While trainers at the Radio Academy are carefully selected, special guests (e.g. MediaCorp Radio DJs, MediaCorp comperes, etc.) will also be invited to share their experiences at the classes. Nothing beats the thrill of gaining real experiences! Apart from classroom learning, participants will also have the opportunity to get their hands-on sessions at the recording studios.

At the end of each course, participants will be awarded with a Certificate of Achievement. Contracts will also be offered to Radio Academy graduates who possess the potential to be groomed as a DJ.

So, for those of you whose dream is to be a radio DJ, this may be the first step to realise your dream!

plus, it's during the last week of school, but it's at night from 7-930. which means i can still go! (and bella too, hopefully)

BUT GET THIS.

Course Fees : $500 per person
(Course materials provided)

how am i ever going to come up with 500 bucks by november?!

mr lee said we should start building our portfolio now, and THIS will be such a huge boost, BUT IT COSTS A BLOODSUCKING 500 BUCKAROOS.
who's willing to fork out half a grand for me? (:

2005-08-26T21:12:00.000+08:00

HAPPY DAY!

well okay first there was chapel, everyone kept going, "eh you feeling better or not?" haha, so i repeated my story like, a million times.

then pe, we played softball, and it was so HAHA. somehow 'we' (i say this only because it was ben soh, not us) picked a fight with a11 and we won!
HOME RUN!
TEAM CHIO, (haha wth!) -insert hokkien phrase that bella and i cant pronounce here-!

anyway pe+chocolate got me so high, even math couldnt bring me down! and after that, we ran off to delta for the hockey challenge thing, we are so officially in love with hockey please.
after the rest left, michelle and i were taught the rules of the game and the specifics. so uber confusing, but nevermind, i still like it. (:

OH AND YOU KNOW.
they had this lucky draw thing, everyday 2 winners get a HOCKEY STICK,

AND I WON!
except by that time, i had already left so sherelynn claimed my prize, but she was slow in getting it cos she thought they wanted to check ic, and so

NO MORE NEW HOCKEY STICK ):

ok, but there's a bag full of surprises anyway. exciting!

and we saw all these cute stc girls, some person was wearing a shirt that had a hockey stick and a JUST WHACK IT printed on the back, so pretty, i want!

OH AND MICHELLE THAT GIRL. smiling the entire day, I WONDER WHY HUH.

okay my bag is disintegrating it's a SIGN. i need the adidas bag please <3

*OMG I JUST FOUND OUT THE HOCKEY STICK'S LIME GREEN. i am distraught. ):

and now my weekend is completely non-existent thanks to the many essays that i have to do, dammit.
nevermind, as i said, HAPPY DAY!

p.s. HELLO MAYLENE SEE I DIDN'T FORGET YOU! (:

2005-08-25T14:10:00.000+08:00

randomly,

- waking up at 1030 on a school day is extremely liberating.
- i think the word italicised is really sexy.
- i only know one chinese song, and it was popular like, a decade ago.
- i have torn out 6 pages from my brand new lit notebook because my writing's u-g-l-y.
- old happy songs are on repeat mode now.
- i think this is the break i need, time to catch up on work/ sleep/ my life.
- i can't wait for the hockey tournament tmr!
- someone told me i need religion in my life. wait actually, alot of people have been telling me that. i'm sorry, but no thanks (and no offence too).
- i really don't see what's wrong with pre-marital sex. (i thought i was the only one, but olive feels the same way too)
- same goes for drinking (michelle agrees, although drinking excessively is a big nono)
- i just found out germ, michelle and the rest were really worried. germ even msged to ask, "are you safe?" HAHA. for the record, yes i am you doofuses! (:

2005-08-24T21:55:00.000+08:00

sometimes, people tend to take other people for granted.
the two can get so lost in their own world, it fustrates me to the point where i just want to scream to the entire world LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY, but of course i don't.
alot of things have been building up, some good, some bad.
am going to flare up soon, i can feel it.

I NEED (MORE) SLEEP.

-
very nearly died today. trning was madness, CIRCUITS KILL i tell you.
15 laps and 100+ reps of 10 different exercises, OMG.
anyway, the point of this is to blog about michelle and her mystery boy, they are so cute! too cute, really.

i had to create so many opportunities for her just to say HI, and the silly girl just kept looking away and pretending that she didnt see him! anyway after they FINALLY said hello, he talked to her a little bit and the both of them were all smiles (:
somehow i managed to delay and delay and just dragged everything just so we could go home with them, tsk.
(michelle, please note all the trouble ive gone through for you, thanks)
and because they werent talking (although he so obviously wanted to talk because i kept catching him secretly glancing at her, aww)i had to stall for time, AGAIN and totally humiliated myself just so we would all be walking together.
anyway things picked up after that (thank goodness) and he gave the shy smile so many times i bet that michelle was swooning, TSK. so we all took the same train home and for once michelle and i didnt hold hands/ do anything suggestive because i didnt want him to get the wrong idea.
spent some time with mystery boy, and this one i approve of! except for the fact that he kept laughing at us/ the hockey sticks (which all look the same!).

and today's his birthday (according to michellethestalker). i hope michelle made his day.

and okay.
am so tired.

goodnight.

2005-08-23T19:17:00.000+08:00

yesterday i saw a rainbow. (:

2005-08-21T15:57:00.000+08:00

bad craving for ice cold heineken dammit.

2005-08-20T19:14:00.000+08:00

my recent addiction to DCFC led me to find this and this.
i like, very much.

*(i'm only doing non-emo blogging for now)

2005-08-17T20:13:00.000+08:00

it's not the end.
i'm tired, i keep going round and round in circles but all i want to do is take time off. i won't be blogging for awhile, because i keep lapsing into strange/ depressed/ highly emotional/ may-break-down-any-minute mode, and somehow blogging makes me blow things out of proportion. i need time off to think and reflect; i don't want to be hyper-sensitive to everything going around me, at least not for now.

i need to sort things out, i wish i could categorize everything that's happening and file them away somewhere at the back of my mind so i can just accept the current situation, but something's telling me there's more elsewhere.

so excuse me while i try not to conform -- i've been there, done that, and i've had enough.
this time i'm standing my ground, thankyou very much.

2005-08-14T01:11:00.000+08:00

i'll be going away, but only for a little while. in the meantime,

scream if you love me.

2005-08-13T14:08:00.000+08:00

in my semi-drunk state last night, i msged a teacher to give him a friend's number.
omg i am so embarrassed now.

and in case you were wondering, no i wasnt drinking. i just had one of those days where i had no idea what i was doing half the time, and come to think of it, i can only remember fragments here and there. i tried going on a sugar overdose to get high, but my stomach was being a bitch and i wasnt hungry the entire day at all. even at dinner i wanted to puke my guts out. strange.

-
thankyou to all the sweets who care(d) though, it meant alot.

so it's all come down to this. if the parents take my hsecomm and hockey away, im quitting school. the only things that are keeping me in jc are these- i've worked hard for them and i refuse to let them go. but if i flunk promos, or dont do well (knowing my parents, even if i get promoted it wont be good enough), im quitting school, partly because i give up, partly because i dont see the point in doing something i dont like, and partly because im sick and tired of struggling. instead of doing the damned EoM, i have been browsing through course modules and even my sister supports ny decision.
"can i quit school with you too?"
she's been struggling more than ever lately, nat's never been good at math (like me and nee, which is odd since both the parents are math wizards) and she's been finding trigonometry a complete bitch but she worked damn hard and scored full marks for some quiz. im damn proud of the girl, even if my parents just went, "see trigo isnt so hard right." when she showed them the paper.

this isnt right at all, im actually half-wishing that i'll do really badly for promos just so i can quit school and do mass comm instead. if the parents insist on me doing business, i have found a course that i hope, will satisfy them, see here. (NAD ARE YOU DOING THIS?)

in the meantime, who wants sunflowers? the new ones are starting to bloom.

2005-08-11T21:19:00.000+08:00

i just showed my dad my results.

first i got hell from the parents last night,
STOP LYING TO ME SHOW ME YOUR RESULT SLIP NOW.
but i dont have it.
I TOLD YOU STOP LYING YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ENGLISH IS IT. GIVE IT TO ME.
but i dont have it, they havent given to us!
STOP LYING.

and then now,
my dad drew me a bell curve to show me where i stand.
4th percentile?! FOURTH PERCENTILE?! DO YOU KNOW HOW LOW THAT IS?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN JC WHEN YOU GET 23% AND YOURE IN THE FOURTH PERCENTILE?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY WE SPEND ON YOU.

whatever, im trying but do they say anything? no, they freaking dont. all they say is WHAT IS THIS WHY ARE YOU HOME SO LATE WHAT WERE YOU DOING, WITH WHOM HOW COME

IF YOU CONTINUE LIKE THIS IM GOING TO MAKE YOU DROP OUT OF SCHOOL.
yeah, that was AT FIRST.
now it's
IF YOU CONTINUE LIKE THIS YOURE GOING TO QUIT HOUSECOMM WE DONT CARE.
but i cant quit hsecomm, it's my cca!
SO WHAT YOU THINK YOULL GET INTO UNI BASED ON THIS IS IT. STOP BEING SO CHILDISH OKAY YOU THINK IT'S 'FOR THE EXPERIENCE' IS IT. YOURE IN JC TO STUDY AND OBVIOUSLY YOURE NOT DOING THAT.

im so fucking sick of crying over this, I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT.
and then in sch, everything always seems so much better but when i get back to this hell hole, they bombard me with FUCKING RIDICULOUS QUESTIONS.

nevermind that they didnt say anything about my gp and the 99th percentile, im damn fucking used to it, because everytime i seem to do well in something, like lit in sec three, DO THEY SAY ANYTHING. HELL NO.

YOU THINK LIT VERY IMPORTANT IS IT, WHAT CAN YOU DO WITH LIT WHEN YOU GROW UP YOU TELL ME.

SO WHAT IF YOUR GP'S GOOD, YOU THINK YOURE THE BEST. YOURE IN SAJC OKAY, NOT RJC. IF YOU SCORE LIKE THIS IN RJC I'LL SAY YOURE GOOD. NOW YOURE NOBODY, WHERE DO YOU STAND.

whatever, im fucking sick of this. i dont want to cry anymore. i dont want to care anymore.

and fuck, this is immature, but CAN I FUCKING RUN AWAY NOW.

2005-08-10T17:51:00.000+08:00

we'll run away together
we'll spend some time forever
we'll never feel bad any more
-island in the sun, weezer

that song pretty much sums up what i want to do, tina and i decided today we're going to find our own island and call it the jina-tien. HAHA.

i can't wait for all of this to be over, a few more years.

-

this afternoon i was supposed to catch up on work, but no, i got distracted by cream cheese and crackers, so i spent the day lounging around my room, snacking and making to do/ to buy lists. (and dreaming of my bag-to-be)

TO BUY:
1) adidas bag (see below)
2) paperchase color pencils
3) paper chase notebook/ sketchbook
4) CAMERA. (poleeeee-arrrrr-roooooidddd!)

okay, i admit. i have been inspired by crazy/ beautiful.

-
(1.01 pm)

i just watched rabbit-proof fence, if you havent already watched it, please do.
(from now on, i'll never complain about having to run around.)

i will whine about sth else though.
that day i was out with nat, i was supposed to keep her company but i ended up dragging her around to 'shop'. and now, i really really really, REALLY (X10000000000000000000000000000) want that adidas bag please. it's GORGEOUS. (hurray for black bags michelle!)
can someone please get it for me? it's been on my mind for the past two days, and i think if i dont get it soon, I'LL JUST DROP DEAD AND DIE.

i'll do anything to get that bag, AND it's only $49, and my sister said, "jie, do you know your backpack makes you look tiny cos it's so huge?" SEE, i have a totally valid reason for getting that bag. OMG I WANT, SOSOSOSO BAD.

:( i am suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

2005-08-09T21:57:00.000+08:00

ru's take on ndp:

"what kind of celebration is this!!!
imagine having this for your birthday EVERY YEAR FOR 40 YEARS
why can't they cut a huge cake and go home :( "

haha, that was way cute.

2005-08-09T11:22:00.000+08:00

yesterday was WHOAH.

woke up at an ungodly hour to get to srgn mrt where khai's dad gave us a ride to school, ran around because there was a freak semi-storm and had to set up wet weather AND 5 MINUTES BEFORE, they go, "ok jien, dry weather dry weather. change now!" so by assembly i was dripping, tina was standing behind me and saw the sticky mess and THERE WERE ANTS BITING ME THROUGHOUT. during scripture reading i kept stomping on myself because i could see all these ants crawling out of my shoe and i was trying to kill them. i think everyone thought i was crazy. nevermind.

feisty pursuit went pretty well, no major hiccups (:
but the j2s holed themselves up in the reading room. library/ classrooms to study and so we had classes reporting to us with like, 3 people. some classes were really cute though, one class completed my station and went, "OKAY s(somethingsomething) LET'S GET THAT COFFEEBEAN VOUCHER!" and dashed off. haha!

and then more running around after that to chase people into the hall, i hate doing stuff like that cos it makes me feel so evil and detested by the masses or sth. ANYWAY after that we had the concert, house comm went mad (again) and started screaming/ cheering/ dancing and i think all the teachers were irritated with us, but HECK. at one part the j2s started waving their econs notes and we all whooped for them, the teachers behind were standing up, some were chuckling but most were TSK-ing really loudly. haha, that was damn funny.

after meeting (yes yet another one) i met tina bella and ooleeoh in the caf, haha tina and i came up with some silly tango-ish dance thing. the poor class only made $4 from the carnival, poor them!

lunch with the hsecommers didnt happen, because by the time we left school i was gonna be late for my DENTAL APPT, yay i love the dentist! and dr pong praised me, she said that i take good care of my teeth! :D
bright toothy grin please.

nat (as in my sister nat) the idiot was LATE (we were sposed to shop cos she didnt want to go home), so i had to stand outside heeren like a total loser while she was happily browsing in topshop. i saw daphne khoo (from sg idol)! and the trail of girls behind her, haha. met so manymany ex-cedarians in town, HELLO SHER! and while shopping at heeren, i kept pulling my sister in random shops just to hide from a certain Boy who i didnt want to see. i suspect he was following us though, he kept popping EVERYWHERE.

and then off to newton for dinner with the romanis hsecomm, i was there at like 6, when we were sposed to meet at 645 so bryan (who was there early too) kindly offered to walk me to newton circus since i didnt know where it was, haha.
and the worst part,
I FELL ASLEEP THERE, ALL BY MYSELF.
i was so tired! and when i woke up, all the hawkers were staring at me, omg i wanted to die or embarrassment. later i found out that the seniors sneaked past me while i was sleeping to go to the other side of the place to make gifts for us. uh, OOPS.
dinner was good, but because i was (and am still) grounded (i had to practicallt beg my parents to go) and because everyone was late, i had to leave at 8 when dinner started at 730.

and my favourite aunt from kl's in town! but she's leaving soon i think.

OH AND I WATCHED CRAZY/BEAUTIFUL TODAY.
i am inspired please.
yay, the power of love (:

i think my bad-mooding the past few days have finally stopped. ive been so lost/ confused/ just plain pms-ey/ frustrated/ constantly on the verge of tears but now ive decided to stop this nonsense.

YAY FOR GOOD SHOWS, i watched dps (YES OMG EVERYONE BE JEALOUS NOW), and then there was the crazy/ beautiful this morning (tina, you were right, i shall make this one of my all time favourites now) and later there's rabbit proof fence, i hope it's good!

2005-08-07T18:55:00.000+08:00

i hate the feeling you get when your heart sinks. it's like, your heart just settles down a few inches lower and of course that is all very literal, but isnt that how it feels?

it sucks, to be exact.

2005-08-06T19:52:00.000+08:00

yesterday after all the crazy runing around from the gallery to the lt to the hall to the gallery to the house room to the gallery (ok you get the picture), michelle and i attempted to study but we got stuck at the first question (it was only worth 1 mark, HA) and sort of gave up by the time germ and peiyu joined us.

later the 3 of us, peiyu michelle and i lay on the track to star-gaze and just, talk. about how peiyu and i dont want to get married, how michelle wants kids, how i dont ever want to get pregnant, how peiyu and i agree that 'adoption's the way to go!', silly stuff like that. we thought we saw a shooting star and so the three of us made a wish, only to find out the 'star' was actually a plane flying really fast across the sky.

i really hope our wishes come true anyway.

2005-08-04T22:50:00.000+08:00

im not supposed to be blogging (again) but im sitting here trying to categorize my horridly random thoughts so here goes.

day one of SIF symposium was (damn) fun.
met jiaying to go to grand copthorne together, we got lost along the way! and we were freaking out cos we were gonna be late, so she made me walk really fast, just to get there at like, 5 minutes past 8. and everybody was still loitering around the lobby! so we got folders and name tags and all that (jiaying's mad about the black box) and decided to sit right at the side so we could slack and sleep.
which btw, so did not happen.

the symposium thing's kinda cool actually, it's an international event (?) and there were students from all over the world! plus when we have Q&A sessions, people actually do ask, unlike the kind we have in school where everyone just stones. PRETTY COOL.

spotted pretty rj girl sitting in the row in front of us (although jiaying doesnt think she's all that pretty)! and the guy sitting next to me was just plain weird. what with his sweater and the notes he was making during the different talks (which we didnt get cos the first few were about the ECONOMY.) and worse still, his cough that made him sound like he was about to suffocate and die. i kept asking him ARE YOU OKAY? and he'd just look at me and go, "yea-ah" like he coughed like that everyday. SCARY. he's now nicknamed WEIRDO BOY, haha.

we got placed in group 4, our discussion topic was on the culture and heritage of modern asia. yeah i know it sounds really boring, but it wasnt at all! OKAY except for one part where mr tay (damn damn damn damn cool architect) talked about BOATS (?!) and i was nodding off to sleep! how embarrassing. ive never felt so smart and informed about the world until today, honestly.

on the way back to school (DAMN MEETING), jiaying and i even discussed what we had just learnt. i think that was probably my first intellectual conversation ever, QUICK someone ask me about our culture and heritage!

oh and i forgot to mention, that we had A SIX COURSE LUNCHEON. yes, on a school day. like, how cool can this get! lunch was really fun(ny), siva kept making us laugh because the girls were bullying him (he was the only guy at the table), and he tried to make us watch this gross video of some woman popping her eyeball out and eating it, RIGHT AFTER LUNCH. i wanted to puke even after watching like, 3 seconds of it. so naturally i didnt go through with it (not as if all the other girls did anyway, they were holding the phone and PRETENDING to watch but secretly looking away haha).
okay let me bottomline this, THE FOOD WAS SOOOO GOOD.

OH AND ONE MORE THING. the people who went were sooooo smart! i swear i felt damn inferior. you get people from VJC integrated programme/ HCI/ RJC asking all sorts of questions that really blow you away. impressive, really. and SA had questions too! pretty valid points raised by sharlene/ charlene so YAY. weirdo boy kept looking at me (weirdly, duh) cos i kept going, "CANNOT! does ANYONE have a question?" because all the top schls were going up and i didnt want SA to lose out, haha.

HOKAY i told you they were random thoughts.

anyway after meeting khai, caleb and i went down to toapayoh to get plasticine (i wanted to get the purple one BUT because caleb was getting BLUE FOR HOSE, i decided (or rather was kinda forced to) to get GREEN FOR ROMANIS.
i think khai's so sweet to we all know who, he got her cookies and tried to deny it by saying, "NO THEYRE FOR ME!", but turned away to give a secret smile. HA too bad, caleb and i caught the Look on his face and i was all, AWWW (:

AND THAT KHAI SERIOUSLY THOUGHT I WAS FROM SMSS.

i have nothing against that school, but HELLO IM FROM CEDAR AND I LOVE IT VERY MUCH. (although michelle and i did smuggle the yearbooks out from the schl library)

and so people either think im from st marg's or a convent, "you have the look!".
YES and this happened yesterday, today and basically, most of the time.

-

and some things just wont stop eating at you.

2005-08-03T22:23:00.000+08:00

i dont know what's wrong with me. i think im supposed to be happy, but really, im not.

freak, there's no more time for anything anymore. my life = school, tuition, meeting, trning, study, piano.
absolutely zero social life.
tmr's the SIF symposium thing, CAN I NOT, please? i'll probably end up sleeping through half the day anyway.

this doesnt make any sense.

have i mentioned, that im dead tired.

michelle has alot of guys after her. like what, 5 or 6? and the latest one, mystery boy is my favourite because michelle actually blushes when i tease her about him. DAMN CUTE.

-

so secretly sweet! 'diabetically sweet', haha.

-

mygod im so incoherent.

i think a career in the media industry is pretty cool! bella and i discussed our options today, i like talking to the girl because with her, it's so.. i dont know, comfortable.

today michelle and i concluded that sending a girl home is retardedly sweet. HAHA like, it's silly because if youve been going home yourself for the past 10odd years, why cant you go home yourself now?! BUT it's sweet when it's someone you like, and just plain disgusting when it's someone you wish would go rot in a corner. i was trying to explain to her the whole point of seeing a girl home (that michelle tang can be so unromantic sometimes) and she told me about how she once scolded **** for sending her home. luckily that boy had guts to do it anyway, haha.

-

i dont like pretending, i hate this game we're playing. can we just talk already?

i need new study songs, hello kind souls out there, please send, thankyou.

-

to CHEN WEIYAN.
(im only typing this here because im running low on msgs, youre not replying me online and i cant call because my mom's back home, plus i wont be seeing you for the next couple of days.)
i know right now words dont mean much because everything's a big blur but my dear, im always here yeah? please dont let that silas get to you, if he makes you cry again I SWEAR IM GOING TO DO SOMETHING. and about FDF, believe you me, everyone wants to kill him, so hon, youre not alone.

chen weiyan, ive said enough. i just owe you like, 189785415318761668798413516579 hugs. cheer up soon sweets. in the meantime, PLEASE DONT FORGET IM HERE OKAY. i may be small but im still spotable and i demand you take one of my breaks to rant!
I LOVE YOU GIRL.

2005-08-02T23:04:00.000+08:00

i thought everything was okay?

OMFG WHY NOW, WHAT NOW.
BIATCH.

2005-07-31T19:13:00.000+08:00

and you say I only hear what I want to:
i dont listen hard,
dont pay attention to the distance that youre running
to anyone, anywhere,
i dont understand if you really care,
im only hearing negative: no, no, no.

2005-07-30T15:20:00.000+08:00

one week of productivity has left me feeling slightly under the weather, and a little confused over what im trying to do.

another busy week coming up, pre-national day prep, time trial, seminar (no schl on thurs and fri for jiaying and me!) and deadlines for assignments.
plus michelle and i have been studying dilligently nearly everyday, she's the cutest ever! we were doing functions on wed,

me: explain why gf exists
michelle: how about bf!

OMG, bimbo.

-
TWO MORE MONTHS, please hurry already.

2005-07-28T20:23:00.000+08:00

hello, it's been too long.

SO ANYWAY. i wont be updating and coming online as often now because im on deep shit with my parents and i really have to manage my studies better or i'll be pulled out of school. and my parents are dead serious about the deal i made with them, so from now on, it's just study all the way.

good news though, after attempting the same tutorial 3 times, i FINALLY completed it that day with michelle tang! PLEASE BE PROUD OF ME.

-
lately ive been growing closer to some of the one-thirders, i like that feeling, it makes me miss zed alot more.

2005-07-25T19:21:00.000+08:00

SO, today was a terrible day in short, i really cannot handle stress.

was a little happier after kelly told me some stuff, but other than that, today sucked.

okay, if i dont start mugging, im never gonna pass, so here's the deal- im turning into a full time homebody, for now.

OHMYGOD, there goes my life.

2005-07-24T09:46:00.000+08:00

im still so tired from yesterday.

first thing in the morning i woke up and panicked cos weiyan said ppl actually got dressed up in dresses and heels for rapture (?!), so i started ringing up people to go OMG HOW HOW HOW! and finally decided not to care (yet) because why get so dressed up just to go to kallang?

and after all that whining, i was so late meeting weiyan, michelle and i were supposed to meet her at 12 but we only left the house at 12, the poor girl had to sit at the bus-stop and stone, haha.

oh, FLEA MARKET WAS FUN! at first we were kinda disappointed cos we didnt see anything much, but we walked round and round and started buying all sorts of nonsense! now im so dead broke, so if i owe you money, please give me a bit more time, thankyou! AUGUST! plus we made friends with so many designers and all the online store owners. like, HOW COOL IS THAT.

after that we went for some yog(h)urt before meeting other friends for dinner, in the end i only ate with julie because all the rest were running late, haha we saw so many cute babies! and we were freaking out half the time because all the people we met in town were so dressed up!

so anyway, olive/joanne sheryl jules and i cabbed down to kallang, OMG all the cabs refused to stop for us so we had to go to a taxi stand to wait, TSK. and we got stuck in the bloody jam, our cab fare doubled. anyway on our way there we saw the planes and helicopter rehearsing and we were OOHing and AHHing all the way. the driver was laughing at us! but he took a wrong turn so somehow we had to walk so damn far to the theatre, by the time we got there we were all sticky, dripping and GROSS. anyway, it was really cool walking in the middle of road (road block), it felt like we were in some mtv, all of us in one row walking fown the street. but some shithead totally ruined our day when HE THOUGHT WE WERE HOOKERS.

HELLO, BUT DO WE LOOK LIKE HOOKERS TO YOU.

we were all so decently dressed! it didnt help that we were just standing there in shock, and only started screaming after he rode away on his bicycle.

but enough about that.

rapture was SO SIZZLING HOT. before the show started, michelle grabbed my hand cos she was so excited haha. and the minute it started, we both went, "OMG. HOT." and the breakdance item reminded me of how nellie des and i tried to learn how to breakdance once! it's so hard though, i could only get one step, HAHA. michelle and i have decided to take it up again at the end of the year! EXCITING. yeah well anyway, we were severely underdressed but i have to put this down so people will perhaps understand (and so we wont feel so bad), we came straight from a flea market, and who gets dressed up for a flea market, right? YES.

going home was a disaster though. lynn and i got lost and we were walking round and round kallang in circles for an hour! we couldnt get a cab and all the buses were full, plus she didnt want to bother her dad to come down to fetch us and my dad was too lazy to come. SO. basically we got lost for an hour before we decided to hop on a bus and get to a main road to take a cab. somehow we ended up at suntec, and even there we couldnt get a cab! and we kinda got lost again trying to get to marina mandarin because the taxi stand queue was wayyy too long. anyhow we FINALLY made it to the hotel, and the part we were at was under renovation! OMG IT WAS HORRIBLE. we were so desperate we just started flagging everything that came our way, finally this cab stopped and the driver said, "hougang?" YAY.
so lynn dropped me off before going home (i live at bartley and she lives at HOUGANG), but my silly sister was alseep so i couldnt show her all my flea market buys! but nvm, there's always today.

okay now i have to be good and finish some work so i'll feel less guilty about squandering away all my allowance (and my sister's too). GOOD SATURDAY (:

2005-07-22T20:24:00.000+08:00

my day was so up-down ish.
but now im kinda high!

i finally got my money back for sports day! so now im 27buckaroos richer, but i owe tons of people money, OH WELL.

trning today was funfunfun! but before 3, cheryl, joline and i were in the caf playing jenga and making fun of each other, plus we were all lamenting, "OMG I DONT WANT TO RUN 12 ROUNDS LATERRRRR."

in the end we did 11 rounds, 120 crunches and 72 jumps! think endorphins, please. plus mr soh said our fitness is at rock bottom, 'only way is up', OMG does that mean we'll be doing like 20 rounds straight or sth? EEKS! this time we werent half-dead after 6 rounds, in fact at the end of the whole thing we were all pretty jumpy and high, we wanted to play a game, but we didnt have sticks/ a ball, i think we're getting them soon though!

(EDIT: omg im an idiot. 12X9 is 108, not 72! OKAY WE DID 108 JUMPS, haha!)

HELLO, EXCITING PLEASE.

and then, when i can finally go out on a friday night to have dinner, NOBODY CAN! but i dragged germ and michelle with me anyway, they watched me eat and germ went, "there goes your eleven rounds." TSK.

on a more serious note though, i didnt meet the requirements for cts so we're gonna get some letter thing? SHIT IM SO SCREWED. today after schl i was ranting to weiyan abt my very fucked up results, i think im gonna have to drop sth soon because im just not coping, now the problem is- econs or math? i was so sure before that i wanted to drop econs, but
a) my parents will make a hell lot of noise.
b) i feel exactly the same way in econs tut and math tut, CLUELESS. i was so pissed today, i tried to do my math and i thought i did the questions correctly but everything was wrong except for one part of one question. the worst part was, i wanted so badly to ask for help, but i couldnt turn to anyone. SUCKED.

-
flea market and rapture tmr! after the last time we decided never to wear a skirt to flea market again (i think weiyan wanted to wear skirts the last time), but we're going for rapture straight after flea market, which means i have to wear a skirt again!

-
yay im happy.

2005-07-21T23:40:00.000+08:00

i forgot to mention-
today after schl tina and i had plans to go straight home and SLEEP, but somehow we got sidetracked and i followed her all the way to kovan where we sat at the platform talking, laughing, and of course, with her embarrassing me. after that we went to get food, or rather she got food, and i tagged along saying, "do you know what that is? SUGAR!" i think i made her feel really guilty about buying so much junk food, especially when the first item on the ingredient list is SUGAR or GLUCOSE SYRUP.

and quote of the day, "an ex can never be just a friend."

2005-07-21T19:25:00.000+08:00

IT DIDNT RAIN TODAY! (:

so thank goodness for that, we didnt have to revert to wet weather plan (which would have been a complete disaster), i THINK everything went well, no major hiccups (once again, I THINK), so YAY. now it's over and i can catch up on sleep.

but before that,

SIXTH HOUSE COUNCIL! we did it (:
yay thanks you guys, i know there were some communication problems (think jav, khai, jia and i sitting at the table trying not to scream at one another), but today went really well, so thankyou everyone for your help! once again, WE DID IT (:

05A41. you guys are love, really. (:
thank you for wearing your costumes, dont worry youll be duly rewarded okay!

-

im dead tired now, had stinking 2.4 after all that running around for rhd and nearly died. im bloody unfit, TSK. like yesterday for trning we were supposed to run 12 rounds, six rounds, break, six rounds. BUT all the girls (there were only 7/8 of us anyway) dropped out after the first 6 cos we were so tired, TSK. and then we happily sat at the gallery taking pics HAHA.

plus im feeling considerably better now, i wont say that ive let go of all my insecurities cos that's just impossible, but for now im trying not to screw up anything (esp the studies) and hopefully i'll keep up with this.

FLEA MARKET THIS SAT! i cant wait, yay.
oh btw, i found the website for the flea market!
click here!

for some strange reason ive never been able to get flash on this com so i cant see the site,
SO CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IT SAYS, THANKYOU.

2005-07-19T20:13:00.000+08:00

i think im going to die tomorrow. no, like seriously.

and now for a bimbo moment, i hope i dont get an outbreak/ breakout/ whatever you want to call it from the stress. OH NO.

RHD'S ON THURS.
i hope (like mad) that everything will go smoothly.
and if it rains (everyone thinks it will), OMFG you know what, i dont even want to think about it.

so anyway, after today's econs disaster, i have concluded that i have no mind for business, I AM HOPELESS, I SWEAR. but theyre not gonna let me drop econs because i got a F for math too, so whatever. to think that i was actually studying econs last night cos i decided that it wasnt so bad after all, HA.

and one last thing,

THERE'S NATIONAL TRACK TMR AND I WANT TO GO BUT I CANT BECAUSE I HAVE TRNING AND MEETING AND IM SO EFFING UPSET BECAUSE DAMN IT, I MISS THE CEDAR SPIRIT.

2005-07-18T17:14:00.000+08:00

today was a lousy day,

i got lost in math, tried to keep up in econs but got lost anyway, ME was horried, our entire class got yelled at for half an hour (i think we deserve it though) and now everytime we do sth wrong it's "go see the hod" straight away, no questions asked. WHOO, WAY TO GO.

dismissed at 1245 but not like that made much of a difference, we were held back in pw lect, TSK. after that was spent mucking around schl waiting for lynn to finish her chinese listening, thankfully i had peiyu (that stupid girl) to talk to. i think that was the most productive thing i did today, talked and caught up with her, the silly girl had so many funny analogies, half of them didnt make sense, and she's still such a dimwit.

me: omg that was spot on.
peiyu: *insert typical peiyu giggle* what's spot on?
me: OMG PEIYU!

so i felt slightly better,

until i got hit by pseudo cramps, omfg it hurt so bad i couldnt sit up straight. so i decided to cab home, BUT THE ENTIRE WORLD JUST DECIDED TO STEAL MY CAB(S). it sucks staying so far away from schl btw, in cedar my cab fare was 3 bucks, now it's 10.

plus i have this throbbing headache, ive had disrupted sleep the past few days due to nightmare after nightmare, and nobody's made my day yet.

oh and in case you were wondering, ive lost my appetite too.

also, i failed econs, i was expecting a F but just not that pathetic. i think it's worse than my 26% for math, my parents are so gonna screw me and i'll probably be grounded for the next century.

-
ok, wth am i doing.

2005-07-17T18:48:00.000+08:00

i think everyone's really grown prettier. like all the zedders, theyre all so swoon worthy now (you guys were before too, but now it's like, WHOAH!). i just saw new updated pics of everyone and arina with make up (!). i still remember how once in sec 4 we had this conversation,

arina: eh how do you put eyeliner?
me: just.. put la!
arina: duh, no kidding.

and now look at who's all dolled up HUH (:

I MISS THE ZEDDERS.
but of course, everyone already knew that.

-

i wish my hair would grow, then i can decide what i want to do with it. now it's just so in-between-ish (read: UNBEARABLE).

busy, busy week coming up.
end of the cancerian reign too, we're gonna party at the end of the week, deal?
deal.

-

(it stinks knowing you'll always be second best.)

2005-07-16T12:53:00.000+08:00

points to make:

- in case you havent noticed, i really dont care about gossip. so go ahead and say anything you want.
- do you need a permit to build a treehouse?
- i could have passed my math paper if
a) i didnt freak out
b) i wasnt careless
c) i thought a little bit harder.
- i dont understand how they can take away 6 marks from my gp essay just by moderating, 38 to 32, hello.
- i havent touched the piano in a month, and i dont think i will till after national day, at least. OH HELP.
- im scared because (fill in this blank yourself).
- emo nights always exhaust me. you should never talk to me when im feeling extrememely emo, except if you want to
a) hear me cry and whine like an idiot.
b) go "i dont know." and keep quiet for the longest time.
c) blackmail me after.
- friendster kills. (which explains why i dont have an account)
- blogs can kill too.

give me a week, after this i promise i'll feel better, and maybe stop destroying lives.

2005-07-15T18:37:00.000+08:00

the good week didnt last after all.

one thirders +jo, jiaying and lynette - tina and kelly outing today. damn tickets sold out before we even got there so we spent half the day trying to decide what to do. as usual, i ate too much for my own good.

pictures will be up soon!

-
i cant really blog about anything right now, there's too much i want to say, but i just cant.

2005-07-13T18:25:00.000+08:00

so today was a 9-5 day, no lessons because there was this cca leaders retreat we had to go for!

anyway, i am officially a GREEDY GLUTTON. we had so many food breaks, breakfast when we got there,lunch after a 3 hr session, and then tea break later! and the most horrible thing- all the girls in group 7 (my group made up of 5 hsecommers, 3 coucillors and the co-op pres and vice-pres), anyway there were only 3 of us, and we ate more than the guys. and everyone's really envious of my metabolism rate because i get to eat so much and not get fat, but that is so NOT TRUE, im gaining weight like really, really fast. i think it's unhealthy!

AND. shemin got 2nd for her event! yay, congrats (:

herng liang (aka heather/ pretty little boy (plb)/ admin boy) deserves a mention because he made my day happy! he's damn funny and so so cute. plus he kept giving me weird looks everytime i laughed at someone. and his chinese sucks! we were trying to compare whose is worse (we're abt the same standard, he got a d7 for cts) by reading out the headlines of the chinese paper the lady opposite us had, he says my chinese sucks cos i took so long to read like 8 characters out, but hello heather, youre not much better ok. i asked him how was his day and told him to reply in chinese and he went,

"wo de tian hen hao." HAHAHA direct translation! we speak funny chinese!

to make things even better, i passed lit! so it's a D, who cares, i passed! and and, i didnt really screw up gp! (at least not as bad as i thought)
so right now i have DEF and a b3. i know it's not fantastic, but YAY ANYWAY.

oh yes. the games we played were really funny, GROUP SEVEN was so much fun and we had the best timing for one of the games!

more scandalous housecomm secrets were revealed today! OOOOH. i bet everyone there knew because we were making such a big fuss when there was this sharing session where you could call on anyone else you wanted, and we kinda put some people in a really awkward position.

after the whole retreat thing, plb and i wanted to rush down to support the soccer match, but it had already ended! anyway they won 8-0, when i announced the score everyone went, "WHOAHHH." that was funny.

so that's my happy wednesday, i have decided to let all silly thoughts go so now i feel slightly less bogged down, PLEASE MAKE THIS GOOD WEEK LAST (:

2005-07-12T19:22:00.000+08:00

just for the record id like to state that today's been an uber productive day,
i paid attention during math (HELLO DIFFERENTIATION I THINK I LIKE YOU),
and econs (although at one point i was really sleepy and in a semi-sleeping state, the one thirders made use of that and somehow made me agree to go for kbox on friday. BUT NO, I REFUSE TO OKAY. let's go fly kite HAHA!)
and geog! (mr kamal's hella funny because he gets so excited telling us stories abt his past! and he cannot pronounce, i think kelly and i are the only ones who actually catch all his slip ups, what with GRASP being GRAPS haha)
plus, i managed to catch up with people!
oh yes, IM SUCH A GLUTTON, i have been eating non-stop! at this rate, i'll be able to put on the 10kg ben soh wants.

i think when you really want something, youre willing to work your ass off.
ok, so everybody knew that.
michelle and i are gonna run our hearts/ lungs/ everything out next week, TRIALS.
(im scared.)

and now, to complete my most productive day in a long time, proposal, math tut, geog rev and othello! I AM SO EFFICIENT.

(my entries are getting more and more nonsensical, i swear.)

2005-07-11T21:23:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SILLY PHILLY! (:
you orange girl, you!

random things that made my day:
1. kelly's 'st patrick's day' by john mayer. LOVE.
2. ONE THIRD- bella, oolee, sheryl, joanne, lynn, tina, kelly, me! *although kelly and tina havent been told HAHA.
3. ice cream during our ridiculously long break!
4. weirding people out on the bus with our hand actions, "HI, WE'RE ONE THIRD!"
5. housecomm!
6. seeing peiyu, that stupid girl after a loooong time!
7. michelle tang doing well for cheena(:
8. writing in ina an's notebook. HAPPY RAINBOW SONG!
9. PHILLY'S SEVENTEENTH*
10. seeing my new paperchase pencilcase! (:

random things that didnt:
1. failing math. (but this was expected.)
2. seeing weiyan upset/ distraught/ miserable.
3. silly thoughts running through my mind.
4. failing to keep up with my 'i will not talk/ doodle/ sleep during lects. I WILL PAY ATTENTION.' goal for the term.
5. more silly thoughts running through my mind.
6. not being able to catch up with lots of people.
7. proposal :(
8. everybody robbing me of my money on a monday morning.
9. SILLY THOUGHTS SHOULD BURN IN HELL.
10. ru not being online.

2005-07-10T01:40:00.000+08:00

maybe this is why people in schl think michelle and i are together,

BECAUSE THE GIRL PUTS IT IN HER NICK-

i miss being in an all girls school. alot. -jien and i.. PL forever!! HAHAHAHA

michelle's so cute, and she's damn pretty too (esp with her hair let down, OMG EVERYONE PLEASE SWOON.)

we fell through the ice when we tried not to slip. says:
youre pretty!
we fell through the ice when we tried not to slip. says:
IF NOT
we fell through the ice when we tried not to slip. says:
i wouldnt make you my girlfriend ok.
we fell through the ice when we tried not to slip. says:
I HAVE GOOD TASTE.

and that silly girl doesnt agree with me,

i miss being in an all girls school. alot. says:
haha.. you don't need glasses... you need to WEAR YOUR GLASSES!!
i miss being in an all girls school. alot. says:
haha
we fell through the ice when we tried not to slip. says:
haha I WEAR CONTACTS!
we fell through the ice when we tried not to slip. says:
michelle!
i miss being in an all girls school. alot. says:
lol
we fell through the ice when we tried not to slip. says:
omg youre so bimbo la!
i miss being in an all girls school. alot. says:
oh yah!!

HAHA.

-
and this entry is so nonsensical i think only michelle's gonna get it.
oh well,
HI MICHELLE I LOVE YOU.

2005-07-08T19:07:00.000+08:00

college day was
a) semi-disastrous
b) semi-successful
c) HOT.
d) tiring.
e) quite YAY in the end.

PHIL we did it! we did it we did it we did it! lots of hiccups but at least it wasnt a complete disaster altogether! YAY (:

and SHEMIN congrats on your gold!

phil tiff and i were totally stressing out over the last station cos we realized we were severely short of manpower but somehow we managed to get everything done, YAY.

it's madness to spend 7 hours straight in the sun, esp when 4hrs of that is spent in a black polo tee. now all of us have really, really bad tanlines, everyone was laughing at mine cos it's just plain disgusting!

tiff and i got really bad gastric after the whole thing, we both ended up nearly crying because it was soso painful and we had to sit through the debrief without making too much noise so at the end of the day we just collapsed, literally. but the sixth housecommers were so sweet, everyone was so concerned and in the end weiyan got us milk and chocolate. thankyou sweets (:

and TIFF i know you wont read this but thankyou for tearing the structue apart with me! if i didnt have you, i think i would have died. seriously! 72 knots can kill! now let's swear off raffia string and bamboo poles, for awhile at least.

i promise round 2 will be better, now that we've (hopefully) sorted out all the kinks.

to the dear sixth housecommers, we did it! it wasnt perfect but we tried our best, so YAY. (:

-
i dont know how to tell you this, but im sick of not being able to say what i want to anymore. im trying to understand your point of view, so do me a favour and stand in my shoes for awhile. we havent talked in quite awhile, and im sorry to say but i think you lost my trust.

-
OMG why is this always happening! i wanted to go for the mango sale tmr, FURTHER REDUCTIONS were calling my name, BUT i am down with a nasty flu. headache, fever, running nose (or is it runny?), EVERYTHING. damn sad.

and sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

RU I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, LA.

2005-07-08T01:21:00.000+08:00

okay firstly,

THANK YOU EVERYONE (:

the entire day was, perfect. surprise after surprise after surprise.

first there were all the msgs YAY. (i was so excited i couldnt sleep after that ok.)
and then because i couldnt sleep i tried calling weiyan but that girl went, "jien go away! im gonna tell you sth!"
which didnt really help because i wanted her to calm me down so i could get some sleep, so i tried michelle who went,
"i dont want to talk to you! go away jien!"

anyway i got to school early enough with robin to keep me company, waiting for that lynn to come but she didnt! and i was going, "WHERE'S LYNN?" the whole morning while everyone was busy ignoring me. TSK.

michelle tang passed me this HUGEEE heart (which i heard she lugged all the way back frm europe, so AWWW (: ), but we really didnt get to talk much cos the bell rang and since lynn wasnt there michelle walked me to class. again, AWW.

the purple ribbons! omg and there was this i love jien campaign, where they got everyone to wear purple ribbons on their sleeves!

AND THE ROSES.
THANKYOU 05A41 (:
25 pretty roses, and lynn was so cute, wendy and jiaying were absent, so she stood in front of me and went, "i am jiaying, happy birthday jien."
and then she handed me the rose.

HAHA, too cute.

OOLIE OH thankyou for your photo, it made me laugh so hard!
thanks for the pretty postie KELLY, so sweet! (:
JIALING, ROS and ROBIN for the present! damn cute la!
GERM you idiot, for the meepok (and sauce stains TSK), my one and only meepok partner! (:

MICHELLE TANG, you silly girl thank you for your blog. i pieces your jigsaw puzzle together! (ok so the first time it was with tina's help haha) and i cant believe you set it up for me, you sweet thing you! plus, the glass! PRETTY (:
and ALL of your notes omg.

PEIYU, earrings! HAHA YAY you know me well. and your purple glittery card with the mini cards, SO CUTE! nat saw it and was so amused, I LOVE YOU, STUPID. (:

CHEN WEIYAN, your cancerian instinct served you well. YAY PHOTOS. they are love, i tell you! and everybody's been asking me how you did the very last photo! youre a genius, and I STILL LOVE YOU TO THE BLOODY CORE (although you nealy killed me a couple of times that day haha!)

INA AN and YNN RN, you guys are soooo sweet! matching hairbands from the better toy store! YAY ina an youre forgiven for banning me from the toystore now haha! and for your whole bag of goodies (SILVER!), thankyou my silly tdters (:

okay anyway, school was silly, we didnt do anything except watch a movie and run through some lit stuff, and when sch was over i had to stay back for meeting, omg i was so sad at first cos i wanted to go out, but the silly weiyan took me on some heritage tour thingy, we walkedd around the entire school and she took me to the oddest places, parked me there and started telling me what happened before, why it was so special to her, yay that was sweet.

AND AFTER THAT EVERYBODY ABANDONED ME.

IN THE CAF SOMEMORE.

so JIAYING tried to entertain me with her birthday songs, over and over again! haha silly idiot! she couldnt sing the high part, so she would just sing it in her head and then continue with the rest of the song. HAHA, i think she sang it like a total of 6, 7 times.

halfway through i got really bored because she had to leave for trning so i called michelle tang who came back with that idiot peiyu (OMG I THINK I GOT THE ORDER WRONG) and we talked and talked and poked fun at the stupid girl, as usual.

so ok, i cant really remember what exactly happened because i was on a perpetual high and you know when youre high you cant really rmber anything? yes.

anyhow at 4 i had to go for meeting, which i thought was gonna be spoiler for the day, BUT OMG I WAS SO WRONG. stupid chen weiyan told me to close my eyes and walk, she was pulling me across the track but YOU KNOW WHEN YOU CANT SEE YOU CANT EXACTLY WALK VERY FAST RIGHT. yes apparently, i held up the band on one side and the odac members on the other. OOPS.

and when i opened my eyes, there were notes hung all over on WHY JIEN ROCKS, from the housecommers, my classmates, the other random but extremely loved (!!!) people, og3/4ians, ex-classmates, and it was so overwhelming i nearly cried.

so, thanks to tangy i followed bright green arrows all the way to the meeting room (which really wasnt very far off actually), where the whole housecomm just started singing happy birthday and everybody kept going, "CRY! CRY!"

but eh, im a strong girl yay. HAHA.

anyway,
THANKYOU MY DARLING SIXTHHOUSECOMMERS (:
YOU GUYS ARE ABSOLUTE LOVE.

meeting was, bad. cos we realized that we had a ton of stuff to do and i was trying not to stress out and also trying not to think about my very screwed up gp paper (which im still horribly sore abt btw, but heck!) and when meeting was finally over we had to do the structure, by then i was so tired i was like this :(

but when meeting was over, i got YET ANOTHER SURPRISE, an entire box full of LOVE, msgs and the i love jien campaign ribbons, it was overspilling and DAMN DAMN SWEET! (:

AND THEN.

that chen weiyan said she had a stomachache so she dragged me away from the structure building to go to the secret toilet with her, and along the way she made so much noise, but i just thought she was high. and the stupid toilet lights were turned off but she pushed me in anyway, and then somehow she stopped at the door so i turned to look and omg suddenly there were 2 people. I WAS DAMN FREAKED OUT OKAY. (and you cant blame me, that toilet's scary!) and so yay, i had my very first (actually one and only) cake in the toilet HAHA, and by the end of that whole episode i was like this (: again. that one really caught me off guard!

so YAY thankyou WINN,
that was really really really sweet (:
(and yes i felt like a total princess!)

then it was back to work with the silly toots, and by then i was so unbelievably high already!

BUT.

when i got home, with weiyan and dezzo (i met her on the bus!) in tow, my sisters locked me outside and made me listen to them sing (yes i know, wth? ok but sweet anyway.) and when they finally let me in nat made me stand in the middle of the room and yelled, "SURPRISE!" but nobody came out! so i was like, huh? when she walked over to the window and opened it, i looked out and OMG THE ZEDDERS WERE STANDING THERE IN THE BACKYARD WITH 17 CANDLES IN A HEART <3 <3 <3 ! and they sang the cedar birthday song! the thing is, i accidentally found out abt that surprise but i was still in shock when i saw all of them. TOOO SWEET. and yes, the masterminds, CHEN WEIYAN AND SOUMYA SURESH. and so for once my parents were way cool and they didnt make noise abt them crashing my place (YAYYY) so we talked abt the old days and updated each other abt what was happening, everyone's still the same, nobody's changed except that everyone's grown sooo much more prettier! there's sth abt zed that i'll probably never be able to find with any other class, we just have that special connection where we go past judging each other and we're so close you can spill your guts out and not feel stupid abt anything. THAT'S ZED. so,

THANKYOU SOUM, SANDZ, ARINA, AMA, CHAR, DEZZO AND ANITA.

CHAR your card is damn cute! IM A STAR (: love you, my fellow smart-and-clever girl.
SANDZ, thankyou for EVERYTHING okay. I LOVE YOU, and id discuss mamee and momo monsters with you any day. seeing you (in a damn bloody long time!) just made me all high (:
SOUM and ANITA, for the flowers! yes soum, even though you took 2years to get me the flowers you promised, i forgive you, you toot! LOVEYOU DARLING.
and to all the ZEDDERS who couldnt make it too, THANK YOU for your msgs and your cute guy alerts (hahah sher!). (:

my birthday was such a blast, i know the entire day i was OMG-ING and THANKYOU-ING away but i really really meant it and i felt so loved, so spoilt and like a total princess (with 2 tiaras to boot!), so i just want to say that i really did enjoy my special day very very much,

to the major major planners,
CHEN WEIYAN,
MICHELLE TANG,
CHUA LYNN ERN,
and TINA TAN,

thankyou, i love you, and i really do mean that. (:

(i know this entry isnt very coherent, I AM STILL HIGH EVEN AFTER 2 DAYS!)